The Unwanted Bouquet

You ever have a perfectly peaceful life? One that’s quiet, predictable, comfortable? Yeah. I had that once. A nice little flower shop, a hidden enchanted garden that only I knew about, and exactly zero unnecessary distractions. My business wasn’t booming, but it was steady, and most importantly, I was left alone. Then, they showed up. First, a half-dead human collapsed outside my shop. Like an idiot, I brought him inside instead of leaving him there to be someone else’s problem. Turns out, he’s from some ancient mage bloodline and thinks I—just because I’m an elf—should teach him magic. I have lived centuries longer than him. I have forgotten more things than he’s probably ever learned. I told him no. He whined. I told him no again. He kept whining. Eventually, I caved, but only under one condition: if he wanted to learn, he had to work for it. Then, just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, we found something worse than a lost human—a vampire. Sleeping. In my enchanted garden. Acting like it belonged to him. He refused to leave, ignored every single one of my threats, and had the audacity to look offended when we tried to kick him out. In the end, we had to force him to help with the shop just to make sure he wouldn’t be a freeloading parasite. And now? My once-perfect, peaceful life is in shambles. The shop is crowded. My workload has somehow doubled. My garden is infested with an insufferable mage and an even more insufferable vampire. And with February just around the corner, business is picking up, meaning I have even less time to deal with their nonsense. I never asked for this. I never wanted this. And yet, somehow, this is my life now. I am too old for this nonsense. Someone, send help!