"Are you aware the motor vehicle hubcap - off a Hunter Hillman, if I know my hubcaps well enough - we used as a portkey to get from the Granger Residence to here, today, met the definition of an illegally enchanted muggle artefact as per the Statute?"
"And, what about all those portkeys that were created for the Quidditch World Cup that the Ministry organised? I know - for a fact, since I had to use one - a very great many of them were muggle artefacts. So, everyone in the Portkey Office needs to be arrested and charged; probably everyone in the Department of Magical Transportation, especially the Department Director. And everyone else involved in deciding upon and creating any portkeys for the event.
"The ball is now in your court, Madam Bones. What do you want to do with it?"
Bones had stood there, following along as Harry showed her clear-cut documented proof from both worlds of all that he had talked about; stunned silent.
Finally, she simply and vehemently said, "Oh, Merlin's wrinkled... bollocks!"
That was it for Sirius. He'd been trying to hold his laughter in so much until then he sounded like he was giggling and smothering it.
When Bones quietly swore, he couldn't hold it back any longer. He was laughing so hard, if it wasn't for the fact the chair was bolted to the floor, he'd have tipped both himself and the chair over, chains and all.
He was laughing so hard Ted had to give him one of his own calming draughts.
Bones ignored all that as she stood there trying to forget the last five minutes of her life.
"I hate you," she quietly said.
Starting to lose his temper, even though he knew he shouldn't as it wasn't Bones's fault, Harry firmly retorted, "I'm not the one who was the daft moron that wrote such a stupid bloody law! Nor am I the muggins that has to enforce it. I'm just the schmuck who has decided he's sick and bloody tired of stupid laws he's supposed to follow like the simple-minded sheep that seem to make up the flock that is wizarding Britain.
"Well, this muggins has had a gutful.
"You want out of this? Fine! Here's my demands for you to dig yourself out of this. One: Drop the case, right the hell now, or as soon as we drop the privacy shields and CA Ogden calls us back into session. As you can see, irrespective of you believing you have successfully argued your case against Lord Black, you haven't and you now know it. Two: As Acting Madam Minister, move to immediately and unequivocally suspend the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Statute for it being utterly worthless. Three: Work with me to repeal the law in its entirety and we'll rewrite it to something that actually makes sense! And, four: Get a proper bloody Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and staff it full of muggleborns, who actually have a clue. Arthur Weasley just 'tinkers' with things he has no idea about; and Cliff Perkins, his supposed partner, is just a 'seat warmer'. Let Arthur Head it, if you must; but, he needs to be taught what a muggle artefact actually is.
"How say you?"
She stood thinking for close on thirty seconds before she gave a sigh, nodded and said, "Let's do this, just as you described."
Finally, he was able to get his anger under control and sheepishly looked to her. "Sorry. My behaviour was uncalled for. You're just doing your job and I'm smacking you about for doing it."
When the privacy shield dropped, Members were just returning if they'd actually gone anywhere. Most hadn't.
She stayed on the floor, sighed and looked up at Ogden. "Chief Adjudicator Ogden, the Ministry finds itself in the position it has no choice... but to drop all charges filed against Lord Sirius Black the Third."
"Whaat?!" he shouted in shock.
Mind you, almost the whole Wizengamot went 'bananas'.
After first walking around it, Harry just sat with his back to the Defence's table he'd been using to show Bones all the documents, propped his bum against it, folded his arms, crossed his legs at the ankles and, finally calmer, smirked at Ogden.
Looking about, his eyes immediately caught those of Madam Marchbanks. As soon as she saw him looking at her, she let go of her cane to sit propped between her knees and quietly mimicked clapping him while grinning back. He couldn't help but sheepishly grin at her in return.
It took quite a while for the Members to calm down. Bones had to eventually fire off three Cannonblast charms in rapid succession before she got them quiet.
With Ogden banging his gavel away as the noise quietened, he was almost the last to actually be quiet.
Once noise was down to a dull murmur, he demanded, "WHY?"
"Because, if I do not, then Lord Potter is going to present his evidence. We cannot stop him from doing so, as he is defending his client and must, by our laws, be given the time to do that.
"If Lord Potter does present that evidence, then that evidence will be a matter of Record in the Wizengamot records books. If it goes in there then the DMLE must act on evidence he presents, which proves criminal activity.
"The evidence I now know he will present will lead to the arrests of close on..."
She turned to look at him.
"Four hundred and fifty-two, plus all those associated with making portkeys," he quietly said.
"... Hell! Four hundred and fifty-two people, plus approximately a thousand more. I know approximately a third of the members currently sitting here today will be included in that number, plus about half of my aurors, plus about half of the rest of the Ministry.
"I'll also be forced to close Saint Mungo's hospital and toss out everyone within - staff and patients alike - and seize the building as evidence of a criminal act. I will also have to seize the Hogwarts Express and the Knight Bus. And I will have to permanently close the current public entrance of this very building.
"I... really... don't want to be put in the position I have to do that.
"If you cannot figure out why I would have to do that, you shouldn't be sitting in those tiers."
That, again, had Members going silly in their Seats. Bones only let it go on for about five seconds before she fired yet another Cannonblast charm off.
"E-nough!" she barked. Then she stared at the young Dicta-quill operator and said, "Deactivate all your quills. This part will be off the record."
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