Sakura sat in the lotus position on the lowermost deck of the first collection ship en route to the Land of Water, her palms laid flat on the floor. As for her teammates, Naruto, Ino and Anko-sensei were dispersed among the other four ships, maintaining a vigilant watch for the sea monster's anticipated attack…
"Area Scanning Jutsu!"
Periodically, she would emit pulses of chakra from her palms through the ship's hull and to the water below, acting as a human sonar. So far, she hadn't managed to find anything remotely resembling Isaribi's figure swimming below, but in her opinion, it wouldn't be too long before an attack came…
'This is boring,' yawned Inner Sakura. 'There's not much to see down here in the cargo hold…'
Sakura fished out a salted sardine from a tin can she had found in the hold and popped it into her mouth, swallowing it whole. The small fish didn't taste especially good, but it was far better than her army ration pills, and she did need to replenish her stamina to knead more chakra.
But just as she was about to get seconds, the muffled sounds of alarm bells and shouting echoed from the upper decks, just barely reaching her ears. Frowning, Sakura sent out a pulse of chakra through the floor, but her Sensory Jutsu still showed her there were no hidden enemies lurking in the sea around the ships…
Worried about the commotion above, Sakura pushed herself up off the floor and swiftly ascended the ladder to the main deck, where sailors and guardsmen were already preparing for combat. Elbowing her way through the gathering crowd at the bow, she peered into the distance and quickly identified the source of the disturbance: six human figures standing on the sea, lying in ambush for the convoy of ships!
Tsurugi Misumi, Akadō Yoroi, Uchiha Nanashi, and some nerdy-looking bloke wearing a white lab coat…
Sakura squinted her eyes.
…and behind them, Hyūga Neji and Orochimaru?
'Huh!?' said Inner Sakura. 'What's Neji doing with Orochimaru!?'
Orochimaru had indeed been keeping busy since the Konoha Crush.
Since the Third had failed to seal away his Jutsu, the Orochimaru of the original timeline's threat level was in no way comparable to the current Orochimaru, who had taken over Kimimaro's body and obtained his Shikotsumyaku. Without having to worry about restoring his arms and researching Uzumaki Fūinjutsu, this Orochimaru had been free to research whatever he pleased…
…such as Urashiki's Rinnegan, which had turned into an ordinary pair of Byakugan and couldn't be changed back, for some reason Orochimaru didn't understand yet!
"Get us out of here!" hollered Sakura, as she vaulted off the ship's railing and dropped onto the sea's surface. "We'll hold them off!"
Her voice reached her companions' ears, and in a flash, all four of them were standing between the ships and the advancing enemy shinobi.
"Helmsman, hard to starboard!" shouted the ship's captain. "Hold on tight, gentlemen!"
But instead of veering to the right like they were supposed to, the five collection ships began swerving, colliding into each other and grounding themselves onto reefs.
No wonder Sakura hadn't seen Isaribi with the rest of Team Orochimaru— she had been biding her time, waiting until the scanning chakra pulses stopped, before diving under the sea to disable the ships' rudders, causing them to lose control!
"What the?" gasped Sakura, startled by the scene of destruction behind her. "But I didn't sense anything!"
Just like Genjutsu, Sensory Jutsu were a two-way street.
By scanning the sea for underwater threats, hoping to prevent exactly what had just happened, Sakura had been actively broadcasting the fleet's location to the enemy. Thanks to the pings she had been regularly emitting, it had been a simple matter for the two scientists on the enemy team to triangulate the collection ships' future position and set up an ambush along the way!
Suddenly, Anko fell to her knees, clutching at the Cursed Seal branded into her nape.
"I was so scared, sensei..." Anko whispered mournfully, her eyes growing dull and unfocused. "Why didn't you take Anko with you, Orochimaru-sensei? Why did you leave Anko all alone… ngh!"
In her youth, Anko had been proud to call herself one of the legendary Sannin's disciples. She had followed her beloved mentor, Orochimaru, everywhere— learning from him, fighting by his side… and even assisting with his gruesome human experiments.
But now, seeing him here, Anko's sealed memories were flooding back all at once, reverting her to the frightened child she once was and reducing her to a gibbering mess, just as a fight was about to begin!
…
Orochimaru, a man of cold logic, had left Anko behind when he had defected from the Hidden Leaf. His decision had been driven by practicality— she would have been a burden during his flight from the village and his escape from Jiraiya and his other pursuers.
Yet, beneath this calculated choice lay an ultimate act of mercy.
Orochimaru had known that Anko would have followed him to the ends of the earth, but he also understood that she would find greater happiness remaining in the village, away from the twisted experiments she could barely stomach.
Somewhere deep within herself, Anko had always known this, so when Orochimaru had returned to destroy the Hidden Leaf, she had resolved to repay both him and the village that had taken her back— by dying together with him, using the Twin Snakes Mutual Death Jutsu, so that they may both atone for their sins!
Unfortunately, she had failed, and they had both lived to see another day…
…
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto suddenly shouted, pointing at Anko. "She's sinking, y'know!"
Sakura was the closest to Anko— cursing under her breath, she caught her by the armpits just before she slipped beneath the waves. In her current state, Anko couldn't concentrate on maintaining the right amount of chakra under her sandals to stand on the sea's surface.
"Sensei?" cried Ino in a panic. "What's happening to her!?"
"I think she's having a seizure of some kind!" answered Sakura, throwing the older woman over her shoulder as she jogged over to a rock jutting out of the sea. "I'll go put her down over there so that she doesn't drown."
Glancing over her shoulder to make sure nobody was looking, Sakura slipped her hand down Anko's fishnet shirt and fondled her breasts with the Munamori clan's special massage technique, skimming just a little off the top… Anko had big boobs, so surely she wouldn't miss the tiny bit Sakura had taken…
Ding! Congratulations to the Host for obtaining Mitarashi Anko's breast chakra, one of the required components for the System to derive the Yin-Yang Gender Reversal Jutsu!
Remaining requirements:
Kaeru Kaeru no Jutsu Mastery: 0/100%
Aburame clan member's breast chakra: 0/1
Yin-Yang Style Proficiency: 0/100%
Perfect Sage Mode or Philosopher Mode Mastery: 1/100%
"What even is Philosopher Mode, anyway?" Sakura muttered to herself. "This had better not be a shitty pun again, like Tailed Breast Mode…"
…
As usual, the joke is sex:
The word sage can be written as Sennin (仙人, Daoist) or Kenja (賢者, Wise Man).
Sage Mode is Sennin Mode, and Kenja Mode is Philosopher Time, the brief period of mental clarity achieved post-orgasm for men.