"Kei, who just came by?"
Kushina pressed the back of her hand against her still-burning cheeks to cool them down and asked from behind the kitchen door.
"ANBU. My appointment letter should be arriving soon."
"Huh? Weren't you just transferred to a regular unit? Where are you getting assigned now?"
"Take a guess! If you guess right, there's a prize. If you guess wrong, you have to give me a kiss!"
"Hehe~ I'm not that dumb! Since ANBU came personally to inform you, it must be an important department. You just got out of the Analysis Team, so it's unlikely they're sending you back there. That leaves either the Intelligence Division or the Barrier Team?"
"Nope! Come on, a bet's a bet—open the door and give me a kiss."
"Ahh~ but you just kissed me a moment ago!"
Kushina glanced at the locked kitchen door, only to see Kei effortlessly unlock it with an earth chakra key. Her face, which hadn't completely cooled down yet, turned red once again.
"That was different."
Kei wrapped his arms around Kushina's waist. And once again, he indulged in his favorite taste. For old married couples, this kind of thing might not seem like much, but for young lovers, there was never enough of it.
Just then, the smell of burning food reached their noses.
Kushina playfully punched Kei's chest twice before quickly rushing to salvage the food in the pot.
"Now will you tell me where you're being assigned?"
"Not guessing anymore?"
"Nope, not guessing. I'm not falling into the same trap twice."
"Didn't you just say you weren't dumb?"
"Hmph~ It's exactly because I'm not dumb that I refuse to guess! You're a bad guy—you keep making me guess, which means it's definitely something I'd never expect."
Kushina wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue at Kei, making a playful face.
Her adorable expression made him want to pinch her soft, flawless cheeks.
"Root."
Kei smiled as he spoke.
Clang—
Kushina's mouth fell slightly open, and she lost her grip on the spatula, which fell into the pot. She turned back toward her boyfriend with a worried expression.
"No Cursed Tongue Eradication Seal, and I'll be serving as the Vice Director with actual authority. The Third Hokage is probably trying to use me to balance out Danzō. As for Danzō, he must have his own schemes, but it shouldn't be a big problem," Kei explained.
"If you ever need to deal with Danzō, make sure you call me! I've recently made a deal with that fox! Hehe~ I'll show you what an invincible golden body looks like~!"
Kushina's eyes gleamed with excitement. She raised her arm, trying to flex her biceps. But her arms didn't have much muscle to show off. Instead, they only made her look even cuter to a certain 'villain.'
If it weren't for the sound of the door opening, this girl in front of him wouldn't have escaped the 'villain's' grasp.
"Kushina, we've got another little brat joining us for dinner—cook an extra bowl. Oh, and Kei, find me something to do later, okay? You get what I mean?"
Tsunade, with a small slug on her head and barefoot, walked into the living room. She grabbed Kei from the kitchen. If she weren't starving from being busy all morning, she wouldn't even bother eating—she'd head straight for some fun!
Ah, the gambling city… A place that haunted her dreams!
"Got it, got it." Kei looked at Tsunade, and sighed helplessly.
Damn it.
And the way you're talking… If someone overheard, they'd think I was taking you to a brothel!
"Kei-senpai, Kushina-senpai, sorry for the intrusion."
Kakashi changed into the guest slippers at the entrance, walked into the living room with his signature dead-fish eyes, and respectfully bowed to Kei and Kushina.
"Don't look at me. This kid lost another teammate on a mission. The Third Hokage asked me to help counsel him. But seriously, what the hell do I know about counseling? I heard you were back, so I brought him over to let you try."
Tsunade, looking impatient, half-lounged on the nearby sofa. She was a medical ninja, sure—but Kakashi's issue wasn't a physical injury or psychological trauma. It was just a knot in his heart left by the death of his father.
What was she supposed to do about that? Might as well have Kei hit him with a few genjutsu instead.
"Did Rin die? Or was it Obito?" Kei's eye twitched as he turned to look at the lifeless Kakashi.
"... Just some ninja I didn't know." Feeling uncomfortable under Kei's gaze, Kakashi turned his head and muttered softly.
Lately, Minato had been taking on high-difficulty missions. Their squad couldn't keep up with his pace, so naturally, they had been left behind. A few days ago, the Third Hokage suddenly had them team up with another squad for a mission.
That squad's leading chunin didn't listen to his advice and acted recklessly. Their team members weren't strong enough.
Two people died—wasn't that just normal? In the end, he was the one who completed the mission. He didn't understand why the responsibility was being pinned on him.
"Tell me what happened."
Hearing that it wasn't Rin or Obito, Kei felt relieved. Since he had nothing better to do, he decided to ask for the details.
"..." Kakashi stared into Kei's eyes, remaining silent.
According to Konoha's ninja regulations, even C-rank missions couldn't be disclosed to unauthorized personnel. For B-rank missions, they had to first report to the Hokage's office and obtain approval before discussing them.
"Start from when the Hokage assigned you the mission."
Thinking Kakashi didn't know where to begin, Kei prompted him with a timeframe.
"... Confidentiality regulations."
Kei almost choked on those two words, but then he laughed in frustration. Honestly, after all these years as a ninja, For him, anything below an A-rank mission was casual talk, and S-rank missions were discussed in whispers.
This was the first time he had met someone as rigid as Kakashi! After reorganizing his thoughts, he spoke again, "I think your main issue right now is a lack of effective communication. You need to start with some language arts lessons and then work on fixing your mindset."
"..."
Kakashi frowned slightly but still nodded in cooperation.
Tsunade, who had been lying on the sofa waiting for dinner, nearly burst out laughing when she saw Kakashi tormenting Kei instead.
Perfect! Finally, she wasn't the only one suffering!
"Before dinner, let's do a little exercise."
Kei rubbed his forehead, feeling, for the first time, how exhausting it was to communicate with someone.
He formed a one-handed seal.
A genjutsu immediately pulled Kakashi into an illusionary world.
Glancing at his system interface, Kei gave a command.
System, grant Kakashi [Master of Banter].
It was a green-tier trait, after all—if he was going to give it away, it couldn't be to a random nobody. Besides, Kakashi barely spoke a word, and when he did, his speech patterns could choke a man to death. It was unbearable.
A faint green light, visible only to Kei, quickly merged into Kakashi's body.
Caught in the illusion, Kakashi's emotions fluctuated wildly, and his expressions kept changing—he had no idea what was happening.
"What kind of genjutsu did you put on him?"
Tsunade raised an eyebrow as she saw Kakashi, who had been trapped in the illusion for barely two seconds, suddenly clutch his stomach and kneel on the ground in pain.
"A modified version of the Hell Viewing Technique. In addition to mental fear, it also disrupts the five senses—sight, hearing, and pain perception. The difficulty of using it is about upper-B-rank, and… yeah, he won't be able to break out of it."
"I was asking about the content."
"A father's love and care."
"... Classic you."
The moment Tsunade heard it was about a father and son, the corners of her mouth curled up even more. After being tormented by this brat all morning… Served him right!