After barely surviving Principal Heimi's Office of Sensual Suffering, Machio stumbled home like a man who had seen the dark side of humanity...and it wore stilettos.
The sunset was painting the sky a beautiful blood-orange, birds chirping sweetly, and Machio dragging his battered soul across the pavement.
In front of his humble, slightly chaotic house stood a woman waving happily at him.
"Machio~!" she called, her voice pure sugar.
Azumi Araki.
His mother.
Single mom.
Certified MILF.
The neighborhood danger.
The reason every mailman mysteriously offered "extra service" at their house.
Today, she wore a pink sundress that barely obeyed gravity and a denim jacket that was screaming at the seams. Her silky brown hair bounced as she jogged up to him, her chest doing dangerous acrobatics.
Machio immediately covered his eyes with a hand.
"Mom! You're going to get arrested for public endangerment!"
Azumi giggled, poking his cheek. "Mou~ Machio, you're such a worrywart! Mama's fine!"
Fine was an understatement.
Fine was a war crime.
The neighborhood association had literally sent a petition once titled "BAN AZUMI'S BREASTS FROM PUBLIC AREAS."
"How was school, sweetie?" she asked, beaming.
Machio thought about sadistic principals, cursed feather dusters, and legally binding pervert contracts.
"...Educational," he muttered.
Azumi nodded proudly, oblivious. "Good boy! Oh! Mama lost another job today~"
"AGAIN?!" Machio cried.
She pouted, puffing her cheeks like a sad anime character. "It's not my fault! The boss's son tried to propose after I passed him the copy machine!"
Machio facepalmed. "Mom, you worked at a post office. How do you seduce someone with envelopes?!"
Azumi twirled a lock of her hair. "It's my natural aura~ Men can't resist a struggling, cheerful, busty single mother working hard for her adorable son~"
Machio wept internally.
Azumi pulled him into a hug, squishing his face into Danger Zone Alpha.
"Mmm, my precious baby~" she cooed.
Machio's brain flatlined.
Somewhere in the distance, sirens wailed.
"Mom," he mumbled, suffocating in heaven and hell. "I need to start working part-time."
Azumi blinked. "Eh? Why, sweetie?"
"So we can afford a bigger house! One with...uh...more walls. And fewer Peeping Toms."
Their neighbor Mr. Ogata was literally trimming hedges while staring at Azumi right now.
Azumi finally relented, ruffling Machio's hair. "Okay, but promise me you'll choose somewhere safe! Mama doesn't want her little Machio getting corrupted!"
Too late. Machio thought, remembering Heimi's whip collection.
"I'll find something normal," Machio lied.
He had no idea how doomed he was.
Meanwhile...
In a cheap, suspiciously sexy motel across town...
A slender figure stretched lazily on a rumpled bed.
Her silver hair spilled around her like moonlight, her shirt hanging half-off her shoulder, lipstick smudged in a very "not safe for school" way.
Kira.
A vampire.
Professional heartbreaker.
Amateur chaos agent.
She yawned and stepped over unconscious bodies—two women she'd, ahem, "interviewed" earlier—and headed toward the window.
"Mm...time to go find breakfast..." she murmured, licking her lips.
As she pulled on her leather jacket, her crimson eyes glowed faintly.
That's when she froze.
A stray newspaper fluttered against the window.
The headline:
"Panty Thief Incident at Heiron High! Suspects Connected to Crimson Pact!"
Kira's eyebrow twitched.
Crimson Pact...
Her blood stirred. Her instincts tingled.
And right there, blurry but unmistakable, was a photo of Tachibana.
Her little sister.
Next to...
A very pervy looking boy with messy hair.
"Machio Araki…" Kira whispered, reading the caption.
A slow, dangerous smirk curled across her lips.
"A man bound by the Crimson Pact... My, my... What an interesting toy you've found, dear sister."
She licked her lips.
"Guess I should say hello soon…"
Outside, lightning flashed dramatically even though it wasn't raining.
Meanwhile, back at Heiron High…
Nariyuki sat in his room, deep in concentration.
The walls were covered in conspiracy theory levels of posters and sticky notes.
At the center: Project Reverse Harem: Operation Love Bomb.
Yuzu popped her head in. "Whatcha doing, Nariyuki?"
He spun around with wild eyes.
"I figured it out! We can't find girlfriends the normal way...SO WE FLIP THE SCRIPT."
Yuzu blinked. "Meaning?"
"WE BUILD A REVERSE HAREM!"
He held up a crayon drawing that looked suspiciously like a dating sim map, with Nariyuki in the middle surrounded by sparkly boys.
Yuzu tilted her head. "But you're straight."
"I AM," Nariyuki barked. "THIS IS STRATEGY."
He explained:
"If I become desirable to guys, girls will want me more too! Supply and demand! It's economics!"
Yuzu clapped. "Ooh, smart! Like, everyone wants what's already wanted!"
"Exactly!" Nariyuki grinned manically.
He pulled out a list.
Phase One:
Befriend the soccer captain.
Seduce the art club president with compliments.
Flex abs in front of the kendo team.
Bribe Machio to wingman.
???
Profit.
"But," Nariyuki added, dead serious, "I'll need sacrifices."
He whipped off his shirt dramatically.
Yuzu nosebled instantly.
"FOR THE HAREM!" Nariyuki screamed, flexing tragically small biceps.
Meanwhile, in another dimension, the System wept for humanity.
Back at the Araki household…
Machio was scrolling through part-time job listings, still traumatized, when Azumi peeked over his shoulder.
"Oooh, Maid Café Hiring!" she chirped. "You'd look adorable in an apron, sweetie!"
Machio turned gray.
He scrolled faster.
Another listing: Model Needed for Artistic Nude Classes.
Azumi clapped. "Machio, you've got such a pretty back! You should totally—"
"NO, MOM."
He scrolled harder.
Suddenly, an ad flashed:
Now Hiring: Waiters for Phantom Kiss Café—Special Night Shifts!
Requirements:
Stamina
Resistance to blood loss
Fearlessness around undead entities
Machio blinked.
"Huh. Sounds...normal?"
Azumi kissed his forehead. "Good luck, my baby~!"
Thus began Machio's journey toward further unspeakable suffering.
Little did he know… Kira was already lurking in the shadows.
Waiting.
Planning.
Smirking.
Next Episode:
Episode 8: Phantom Kiss Café Chaos: Machio Gets Bitten (Emotionally and Literally)
(Warning: Contains Vampire Neck Biting, Awkward Boners, and Machio in a Maid Outfit.)