"You're also submitting yourself to torture. In any other situation what he does to you is torture. The only reason it isn't is because you're allowing it to happen, and even that excuse is flimsy at best." Shirokumo sounds concerned for me. Very concerned.
...
With a heavy sigh I say, "I know. Believe me I know, but I need to do this. If I don't my friends will die and my village will burn. I need to get stronger quickly. Orochimaru is doing it."
"If you keep doing this you might die."
"I know."
Shirokumo repels down onto my head. "I know you do, just like I know you won't leave no matter how much I ask you to. You won't leave unless Sasuke does too. In the end, he's the only reason you came here, isn't he? Everything else comes second to him."
"Yes, yes he is. He needs someone to look after him, he's vulnerable. He's still a blank canvas and I don't want Orochimaru to mold him into a monster like me."
That's what I am, a monster. Even if Sasuke thinks I'm not, I know the truth. I'm no longer innocent, no longer a good person. Not when I have so much blood on my hands, blood of innocents. There is so much blood I don't even know how many lives I've taken anymore. Twenty? Fifty? A Hundred?
"You're not a monster." Shirokumo assures me. "I've seen monsters, talked with them. You're not one of them."
"If you say so." I weakly reply. I know what I've done.
"Say, I'm already here. Do you have anything for Tsunade?" Shirokumo asks.
"Actually I do." I open a drawer of my desk and remove the false bottom. Gotta be safe, someone could search my room. I pull out a thin stack of papers and stuff them into an envelope. "Here, a profile on Orochimaru's second in command, Kabuto."
He takes the envelope and pauses. "No letter for her?"
"No." I grimly respond. "Not this time."
"You sure? I have no problem waiting."
"What's the point? All I do is waste a few minutes of our time. The reports are more important. Besides, I don't need to send a letter every time. I'm sure she has more important things to do."
"She likes reading your letters." Shirokumo says from his perch. "She just gets distracted with work and forgets to reply."
I sigh, "Fine. I can whip something up quickly. Don't expect a masterpiece. Will that get you off my back? Er... head."
Shirokumo screeches in laughter. "Sure, I'll get off." He jumps down to my desk.
I pull out a blank page and begin to write.
"Done." I call out as I place down my pen. I fold the letter up and hand it to Shirokumo. "Until the next time."
Shirokumo smacks himself on the head with a leg. That was funny to watch. "I forgot the weavers are done with your new order. They have been for days, I've just forgotten to tell you. I can drop them by after I give Tsunade the report. Shall we say an hour?"
I laugh at him. He forgot? How hilarious. "Sure, see ya in a hour."
POOF
He's off to see the Hokage. I lazily lay down on my bed and open a book. I've got an hour to kill before I can sleep.
...
The Hokage's Office
"Hello Tsunade." Shirokumo says upon his entrance.
"Drinking buddy!" She happily calls out to him. "Can you stay this time? I know we didn't end our last conversation on the best of notes, but no one else is willing to drink with me!" She whines to the heavens.
Shirokumo climbs up to her desk and sets down the papers."Maybe, I do have to go back to the Nest and pick up some clothes for Al. He's getting a whole new look just for the Chunin Exams. He's taking going incognito to a new level."
"Good enough for me!" Tsunade picks up the letter and opens it.
Lady with the Hat,
Spider and Snake are leaving for the exams tomorrow.
We'll see people we know, friends. I don't know how I'll react, but I do know that I need to avoid them. I don't want to see them. All they will see is an enemy, an enemy that could have information about their lost leafs. I fear that they will confront me, I fear that they will attack me. If they do, I have to put them down. Violently. If I don't, I could be found out.
I don't know what to do! Half of me wants to reach out to them, assure them that I'm okay. The other half demands that I keep them in the dark. I have to choose between talking to my friends and risking my life or utterly ignoring them and watch as other shinobi defeat them. Maybe even kill them. I can't protect them, I have to watch as they are beaten. I have to watch as they are broken. I have to watch them suffer knowing that I could stop it at any moment, but the moment I do I damn myself.
Sorry, you don't need to deal with my problems. I'm sure you have your own dealing with your job. I just needed to tell someone that, get it off of my chest. I'll be fine, once the exams are over all I have to worry about is making sure these letters aren't found. Simple really. I should learn how to make a storage seal and put it on my body, that would be much better than what I'm doing now.
As usual I've included a profile. This one is on Orochimaru's possible second in command, Kabuto Yakushi. This one is more speculation than the last, so take it with a grain of salt. He's a medic nin, so maybe you can fill in some of the blanks I couldn't figure out.
Spider
Her mood does a complete 180. "He's going to have a rough week."
Shirokumo snorts. "That's an understatement."
Tsunade pulls out a blank piece of paper. "You said you were going back in an hour? You up for delivering a letter?"
Shirokumo gives Tsunade the spider equivalent of a grin. It is very grotesque, not at all how it is supposed to be. "You took my advice! I'll take as much as you're willing to write."
"Finished." She tenderly puts the letter in an envelope. "Let me know how he reacts, will you?"
"Sure. Now we only have forty five minutes left. How much can you drink in that amount of time?" Shirokumo eagerly asks.
A wicked grin takes over Tsunade's face. "Enough." She gets up and walks over to a painting. It swings open on hidden hinges to reveal a mini fridge stocked with high quality alcohol.
"Tsunade, I think I'll have to visit more often!" Shirokumo says with glee. "Is that an Iwa bourbon?"
"Yes." Tsunade pulls out a bottle and glasses. "Yes it is."
...
One Hour Later, Alvarcus's Room
"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.
POOF
Shirokumo appears in the usual puff of smoke. "Heyyy budddy." He's staggering around on top of a carefully wrapped package. My clothes most likely. "How're ya *hiccup* doin?"
"Are... are you drunk?" I ask in disbelief. Can spiders even get drunk?
"NO!" He falls of the package in an uncoordinated heap. "Maybe."
I sigh, "Tsunade got to you. Wonderful." He attempts to climb up the wall to his web and fails miserably.
"Oh... she wanted you to have this... this... this thingy!" He aggressively throws an envelope at me. Well, it would have been aggressive if it went towards me. He was off by about 60 degrees.
I pick up the thrown envelop and open it. "Is... is this a letter?" I ask shakily.
"Letter! That's the word I was lookin for! Letter!" Shirokumo gave up on climbing the wall, he's lounging in a corner on the floor.
I go back to the letter and read it.
Spider
I won't sugarcoat this. It will be difficult, it may be one of the hardest things you've done. If you want to stay with the Traitor you'll need to ignore your friends. You'll need to let them stand on their own, which they are more than capable of.
Did you think only you were improving? I've never seen them more motivated. They want you and Snake back. Not just one, all of them. Every single one wants you home and every single one is waiting for the day you walk through the gates. It isn't just them either, your sensei is waiting. The Interrogator. The Serpent. The Senbon. The Smoker. The Illusionist. The Green Beast. The Messenger. No one thinks you abandoned us, they just want you back. I want you back.
Know that as long as the hat is mine, you have a place to welcome you home.
Lady with the Hat
PS: Thanks for the letter to your sensei. It pulled him out of his funk, even his hair was disheveled! His hair never gets disheveled! I swear that man loves his hair more than his books.
Tears are flowing down my face. I'm not ashamed at all. My friends want me back. Not only them, Kakashi, Ibiki, Anko, Genma, Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Konohamaru. They all want me back.
I can still go home. I can go home!
"Tsunade, thank you. Thank you so much." I hold the letter at arms length and burn it. I can't afford to have it lying around, the risk is too great. It took a surprising amount of effort. I faintly hear a small poof, Shirokumo left.
I curl up on my bed with a smile on my face. I fall asleep to one very happy thought.
I can go home.
...
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