The smartest man alive.
Not many could claim that title, and even fewer for people to actually consider it, but there was one who had proven himself to be indisputable and second to no one.
And according to Costco Connection, the man's only downfall is his own ego and refusal to use his brain for the advancement and good of humanity. Hence, his other title—the most selfish man alive.
Bella, Benjamin, and Pauline didn't know how to act in front of him. All they could do was stare as he introduced himself to them. Perhaps the only one who had a reaction was Bella, who was still talking to herself while her eyes practically gnawed on Bernard.
As for the man himself, well, he was still smiling at them even though the silence had gone on long enough for it to be extremely awkward already. Everyone allowed this silence to stretch on; if it wasn't for the screams that were coming from all directions of the theme park, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that time stopped for them.
But finally, after a few more moments, Bernard decided to break the silence.
"Ack! Are you alright, dude? I heard what happened—to think that a criminal would actually get into the park, I need to bolster the security. No, wait. Before that… your arm!"
And there, Bella, Benjamin, and Pauline watched as Bernard started talking rapidly. He moved and fidgeted around while approaching Riley, before circling around him with his palms hovering just inches away from actually touching him.
They have heard all sorts of rumors about Bernard Ross—how he is selfish, arrogant, egocentric, snobbish, and all sorts of negative remarks.
But right now, they couldn't see anything of that. If anything, despite the way he was elegantly dressed, they could consider him… goofy.
Bella was about to say something, but Bernard suddenly faced their direction again.
"Oh, forgive me," he cleared his throat and straightened his posture as he stood beside Riley, "And thank you for spending time with these two. I know they're very weird."
"What the—Dad!?" Hannah kicked him on the shin, and Bernard immediately lifted up his leg in pain and started howling dramatically. And then, he just abruptly stood up straight again and glanced at Riley.
"Did you see that? That's how you express pain," he smiled at Riley. But Riley only responded with a shake of his head and said,
"Why would I react that way when my arm is the one that is broken, Father?"
"We're changing your therapist," Bernard immediately sighed before turning his attention back to Bella and the others again.
"You guys must be tired. I got you the penthouse room in the Hope Guild HQ Tower Hotel. Very lucky, that room's usually always booked and filled with guests," he nodded to himself, "Hannie, why don't you bring them there? Arnold's already on the way here to heal your brother's arm."
"That…" Hannah lightly bit her lip as she stared at Riley, who just gave him a thumbs up. She didn't want to leave him, but with their father by his side, Riley was probably the safest albino in the world, "Okay. Riley… I'm sorry."
"Why?" Riley tilted his head, "This is not your fault, Sister—but what is your fault is making me happy today."
Hannah let out a small gasp as she stared at Riley. But after holding her breath for a moment, she rolled her eyes and ruined his already messy white hair.
"Stop being so fucking sentimal, you freak. Ack, disgusting," Hannah's entire body shivered. Of course, it was quite obvious to everyone that she was trying her best not to cry there and then.
But of course, no one mentioned it.
"Let's go!" Hannah gestured to the three to follow her, and the three thanked Bernard before following suit. Before they could go far, however, Bernard called for Hannah.
"Hannah!" He raised his voice. Hannah glanced back, only to see a serious expression planted on her father's face,
"Please…" He continued, "Don't tell Mom."
Hannah's face also turned serious, her eyebrows lowering as she nodded, "Of course."
And with that, she turned around and walked away. Leaving Riley alone with Bernard. Bernard then crouched down, looking Riley in the eyes.
"You too," Bernard whispered, "Please… please don't tell your mother what happened here—or we're all dead."
"Correction, Father. Only the two of you will be dead."
"Ack!" Bernard kneeled down, his body bending back while he grasped his hair. But he immediately bounced back and said, "And I'm sorry, son. You shouldn't have experienced what you did—we'll be sure to capture this criminal as soon as possible."
"Hmm." And to Bernard's extreme shock, Riley returned his gaze for the very first time, "I am looking forward to you finding him, Father."
"R… Riley!" Bernard lunged forward for a hug—but Riley immediately stepped aside, letting him fall face-first onto the ground.
Bernard had hoped for even the smallest emotional connection with his son, just a moment of bonding.
But alas… it seemed there was still a long way to go.
***
Several days passed, and there was still no news about Ryan Roman. Not a trace of him had been found.
Diana Ross, however, did find out what happened to Riley.
As for the details of what followed… well, those were not safe to discuss.
And so, a full week went by—and now, the first day of classes at Mega Academy had officially begun for its First Years.
"Did you bring your sunscreen!?"
"Mom, that was the first thing you packed. You brought a fucking gallon!"
"Was I talking to you?"
"I was told it had already been sent to my dormitory room, Mother."
And right now, Riley's entire family was in front of the large gates of the academy—and like most of the families there bidding their children goodbye, they argued.
"When do I get my phone back!?" Hannah raised her voice.
"Next week. You're lucky that's the only punishment you're receiving, young lady," Diana crossed her arms as she looked down on her daughter, "And seriously, you tried to hide it from me!?"
"I wasn't the only one who tried to hide it! Dad was in on it, too!" Hannah quickly pointed at Bernard, who immediately shook his head.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Bernard sighed. He then stared at her eyes, and just like that, a secret conversation happened between them—if Hannah didn't say anything, Bernard would buy her anything she wanted.
Hannah narrowed her eyes at first, but then just shook her head in defeat. She was going to make sure to buy something insane.
"Enough about that. What about you? Did you make sure to bring pads? What about protection?" Diana also narrowed her eyes at Hannah.
"Mom! I'm fourteen!" Hannah gasped and immediately covered Riley's ears, "I–I don't do disgusting shit like that! Ew! And that's not appropriate, what the fuck!?"
"Sweetie, you're turning fifteen in a few weeks," Diana sighed, "Do you want to know about the things I did when I was fifteen?"
"Fuck! Mom! Embarrassing, hello!?" Hannah quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening to their conversation, "Ack! Stop. Stop! Riley, let's go! And Dad, you're circling back to the Academy after you bring Mom home, right? So, just go. Go!"
"We have a few hours to spare," Bernard just shrugged, "But yes, we do need to go. After all, it's not every day that your Mom and I get the house all alone. If you know what I mean."
"I don't!" This time, Hannah covered her own ears, "I swear! Why are the two of you like this!?"
"You'll understand soon enough," Diana sighed before opening her arms. "Now, give your mom a hug so we can all go."
"Mom!"
"Now."
"Ugh…" Hannah groaned, her steps reluctant as she stepped forward into her mother's embrace. As for Riley, he was keeping his distance, but his hand was still held tight by Hannah.
"You do know that we'll be home every weekend, right?" She whispered.
"I know," Diana smiled as she closed her eyes, "But the two of you grow up so… so fast. The next thing I know, the two of you will be marrying each other."
"What the–" Hannah quickly freed herself from her mother's gasp, "Mom! That's disgusting! What the hell!?"
"I'm joking, sweetie."
"Inappropriate," Hannah shook her head while staring at her with wide eyes, "Riley, let's go! We don't want to be infected with whatever these two have! Let's go. Go!"
And with that, Hannah dragged Riley away, who only nodded at their parents before running beside his sister and then disappearing through the Academy's colossal metal gates.
"They truly do grow up so fast, don't they?" Bernard sighed as he wrapped her arm on Diana's waist, "Now… I still have a few hours before I need to return here. So… what do you want to do?"
***
[EMERGENCY NEWS ALERT]
We have just received confirmation that Ryan "Butt Ender" Roman—the escaped supervillain from a high-security mental asylum—has been found dead inside Megaland.
Although many details remain unclear and the park has yet to release an official statement, eyewitness accounts from park guests have begun to surface.
According to our sources, Ryan "Butt Ender" Roman was discovered inside Megaland's House of Horrors attraction—his corpse disguised as one of the park's disturbingly realistic mannequins. Some guests even walked past it without realizing what they were seeing.
While law enforcement has not yet confirmed the validity of these reports, visual evidence obtained from the scene strongly suggests that the body does indeed belong to the notorious Butt Ender.
Please be advised: the following image contains graphic content that is not suitable for children.
…
As you can see, the body appears to have been impaled from the rectum by what resembles a wooden staff, eerily posed as part of the attraction. Was this meant to send a message?
Could a new vigilante be operating under the radar?
Whatever the case may be, one thing is certain: another dangerous figure is no longer a threat to the public.
Once again, I'm Lorraine, and this is ABC-ZBN News. Bringing you the latest news, as it happens.