This is... uncomfortable.
I'm cold, not just any cold, but one that runs through my arms, through my chest, sinks into my insides and finally reaches my soul.
"You can come back, if you want to," whispers a random thought in my mind. I can't help sighing and smiling a slight smile tinged with irony.
"You can come back... if you find a way," the voice insists again, like a distant echo, the voice sounds warm, comforting, kind. Am I going crazy?, Maybe I am. It wouldn't be surprising.
With nothing else to do, I cling to the only option available: to endure. Endure the sadness, the loneliness, the anguish that hammers my mind as I keep walking to nowhere.
Time glides by like a drifting cruise ship, and I pass between faded trees, black and white trunks.
The brown leaves keep falling like heavy drops of a skyless rain. The ground, covered by endless layers of dry leaves, has become unstable; walking becomes a challenge, each step is enough for my feet to sink into the pile of leaves.
And then, after what seems like hours wrapped in this monotony, something different appears in the distance.
In the distance, a small mountain rises, surrounded by an old metal fence.
A glimmer of hope sizzles inside me, a bright smile graces my face as my heart beats a little faster, I quicken my pace, stumbling through the slippery leaves, driven by a fragile expectation.
But as I get closer, my quick steps start to become slow, dragging, heavy.
The mountain, I can see now, is not a real mountain.
It is a cemetery: a small hill covered with weathered tombstones, enclosed by a rusty fence barely a metre high.
A place frozen in time, a place where, curiously, the brown leaves do not fall.
Every metre I advance, the cold intensifies. It's no longer just a skin-deep cold; it's a stinging, unnatural cold that creeps into my bones, steals the breath from my lungs and makes every fibre of my being tremble.
And yet, I press on.
Not out of conviction, not out of true hope. Only out of something older, more irrational: curiosity.
When I am finally by the rusty metal fence, the cold becomes unbearable.
My hands freeze, my fingers barely obey. My feet, stiff as logs, barely support my weight. My breathing becomes slow, thick, almost painful.
'It's... beautiful,' I think, not quite understanding why, a fleeting thought that pierces the wall of my numb mind.
And then, I feel it: the strange substance I got in that dream, in that barrel of unfathomable water, It begins to flow through my body, my bones, my veins, warming my entire being thanks to a simple mental command of mine.
A subtle, powerful warmth slowly expands from my chest, pushing the cold out of my veins.
My stiff hands begin to regain mobility.
I can breathe better again, though the air is still icy, cutting like invisible blades.
And in front of me, the cemetery seems to wait for me in silence.
After a minute, I take a deep breath and leap into the cemetery.
The gravestones are arranged in layers, forming rings around the mountain, as if each row is jealously guarding the top, where a single main gravestone dominates the entire landscape.
I approach any gravestone, trying to decipher what is written on it, but it's impossible.
It has strange patterns engraved on it, twisted symbols, like those Chinese characters I once saw in my old life. I don't understand anything. All the gravestones share these kinds of inscriptions: figures spread out differently, drawn in shapes that feel almost alive under the gaze.
I climb slowly, climbing towards the top of the mountain.
With each step, between old gravestones and concretions that begin to crumble under the weight of time, I feel something change.
A familiar feeling creeps inside me... like an old melody that I can't quite remember, an beautiful melody
My steps become steadier, more determined, even though my heart begins to beat faster, like a furious drum.
My mind churns, my thoughts swirl uncontrollably. My pupils dilate, and a feeling of nostalgia inside me acts as a fuel that propels me to the top
A dizziness threatens to knock me down.
Instinctively, I summon again the strange substance that sleeps in my soul.
I feel it coursing through me, strengthening me, pushing me forward.
After several minutes of struggling against my own body, I finally reach the top, panting, my eyes heavy, my body on the verge of collapse.
The gravestone in front of me is different.
More legible, written in plain English:
"In memory of my beloved, may God be with you as I could not.
I hope in the afterlife you can find happiness.
Sincerely, Ferr."
...
Ferr.
Ferr?
Me... Was this also written by me in my previous life? I didn't create it, this doesn't follow the chronological line of my dreams, maybe it's another Ferr.
However, something inside me tells me that I wrote this message in my previous life.
Disbelief hits me like an icy wave.
My face moves from surprise to doubt, from hope to fear, in a silent dance, until I manage to focus again on the tombstone.
It doesn't look special.
A simple concrete stone, eroded by the years, the letters about to disappear, slowly reclaimed by oblivion.
"Maybe it's another Ferr," I mutter inside my mind, clinging to logic as my heart races.
My right hand moves on its own, almost trembling, and rests on the engraved letters.
Smooth.
The cracks that form the words have an incredible texture: rough, alive... it feels like touching a girl's skin in the dim light of a cold early morning.
An impossible feeling in an impossible world... This is... uncomfortable.
I blink several times. My mind feels tired, scattered... I feel distracted and a little weak.
Maybe I should stay a while longer touching the tombstone.
...
It wasn't until a strong wind suddenly hit my face, forcing me to close my eyes as several leaves crashed against my skin, that I became alert again.
I sat up abruptly, opening my eyes to see who was nearby... but the world had changed.
The cemetery was gone, the gravestones, the mountain... everything was gone.
I remained silent.
Again, I looked at my surroundings with suspicion.
This time, I was on something I could only describe as a piece of land floating in the middle of the universe.
The cold was gone.
The fear, the longing, the sadness... everything that had been devouring me was simply gone.
On this small island of land, the grass grew green and shiny. In the distance, a crystal clear lake rested next to a musty old wooden hut.
If I looked up, I could see bright spots floating in the distance. Impossibly coloured planets, strange bodies, and an absolute black enveloping everything.
It couldn't be anything else, Is the universe.
I blink several times. My mind feels tired, scattered... I feel distracted and a little weak.
Maybe I should stay a while longer touching the tombstone.
...
It wasn't until a strong wind suddenly hit my face, forcing me to close my eyes as several leaves crashed against my skin, that I became alert again.
I sat up abruptly, opening my eyes to see who was nearby... but the world had changed.
The cemetery was gone, the gravestones, the mountain... everything was gone.
I remained silent.
Again, I looked at my surroundings with suspicion.
This time, I was on something I could only describe as a piece of land floating in the middle of the universe.
The cold was gone.
The fear, the longing, the sadness... everything that had been devouring me was simply gone.
On this small island of land, the grass grew green and shiny. In the distance, a crystal clear lake rested next to a musty old wooden hut.
If I looked up, I could see bright spots floating in the distance. Impossibly coloured planets, strange bodies, and an absolute black enveloping everything.
It couldn't be anything else, Is the universe.
"Hmph... he-he-he-he-he-he...", a light chuckle escaped my lips.
I watched all this with irony, with some amusement, with plain and simple curiosity.
Why?
Am I really that crazy?
"Hahahaha!!!", I couldn't help but let out a wild laugh as I fell to my knees.
Here, the sound had returned.
I could hear my own laughter echoing in this corner of emptiness.
My death in that forest, devoured by something unknown.
My reincarnation in a magical world.
The barracks, Lady Clarity, the quests, the dreams, the barrel, the strange energy inside my soul, Kaero's words, "You're not dead."
All of that... all of that is a fucking shit.
"I..." I muttered, as I forced a smile and contemplated the universe around me.
The truth was simple: I was tired, very, very tired.
I lowered my head slightly.
I looked down at my hands, at my young body, at the green grass beneath my feet.
Maybe... maybe it would have been better to die for real in that forest I loved so much.
I swallowed saliva, once again, I stood up.
I looked at this small piece of land floating in the infinite abyss, and I walked.
Slow, steady, determined steps, of course, after all, I wanted to see what was inside that wooden shack in the middle of a floating island in the universe.