Yue's voice echoed from the doorway. "I see you've met your new best friend. He's a bit... enthusiastic, but you'll get used to him."
I glared at her. "Is it too late to say I want a refund?"
She laughed. "Not really. But if you can't handle the goat, I'll take him back. He's a fine spiritual creature. He's just... very independent."
"Independent?!" I threw my arms up. "He's a terrorist! I'm pretty sure this goat just tried to assassinate me!"
Yue walked in, casually munching on a phoenix nugget. "Oh, don't worry. That's just his way of testing your strength. If you can survive a few dozen more hits, you'll have earned his respect."
I stared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously telling me that in order to tame this thing, I have to be repeatedly headbutted into oblivion?"
"Yup," Yue said with a grin. "Welcome to the sect! If you can survive the goat, you can survive anything!"
I sighed. "Wonderful. Just another typical day in the Nightshade Demon Sect. I'm starting to think that getting hit by flaming boulders would be less painful than this." The goat bleated ominously, almost as if it understood me.
I turned to Yue. "Tell me this isn't a ritual sacrifice."
She took another bite of her nugget. "Oh, it's a rite of passage. You're practically a true Nightshade member now."
"…Fantastic. So what's next, then? Am I supposed to fight a dragon to get a proper title?"
"Nope," Yue replied. "But the Demon god did mention something about assigning you to a very important diplomatic mission. You know, to make up for the whole 'Chaos and Cultural Exchange' thing."
"Wait," I said, eye twitching. "Am I really getting sent on a diplomatic mission... with the goat?"
Yue looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "Oh, definitely. That's a great idea. It'll be fun!" As if on cue, the goat made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a demonic chuckle.
"Yeah, I can tell it'll be real fun going on Diplomatic Mission... With the Goat"
An hour later, I found myself standing at the gates of the Nightshade Demon Sect, a sack of spiritual snacks on my back, a scroll of "official" diplomatic documents in my hands, and—of course—my new best friend, the goat, trotting beside me like an agent of pure chaos.
The Demon god had personally written out the mission's "details" for me: I was supposed to travel to the neighboring Blackthorn Sect and negotiate a "peaceful agreement" regarding some ancient artifacts they had. According to the Demon god, this mission would strengthen relations and—most importantly—give the Nightshade Demon Sect a much-needed advantage in an upcoming... "contest."
I stared down at the goat, who was munching happily on a pile of ceremonial flowers, eyeing me suspiciously between bites. "Do you even know how to negotiate? Because last time I checked, you were too busy trying to launch me into orbit." The goat didn't respond. It merely gave me another look of disdain, as if it were the one stuck with me.
Yue, standing at the gates, waved cheerfully. "Have fun! Don't forget the goat's snacks are packed in the left pouch of your bag!"
"Yeah, thanks for the advice!" I shouted back, already dreading the return trip.
It wasn't long before we were trekking through the wilds surrounding the Nightshade Demon Sect. The forest was alive with noises, but nothing could drown out the unmistakable sound of the goat's... annoying bleats.
"So, about this whole 'negotiation' thing," I muttered, mostly to myself. "What exactly am I supposed to do? Charm them with my great diplomatic skills? Persuade them with a heartfelt speech? Or should I just throw my legendary dumplings at them until they surrender?"
The goat bleated loudly and then jumped on a nearby rock, pawing at the air as if answering my question. I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. You're already planning our next move. Good to know you've got things under control."
As we continued through the forest, I couldn't help but notice how easily the goat maneuvered around obstacles. It seemed almost too graceful for something that tried to headbutt me at every opportunity. It made me suspicious. Was it possible that this goat was actually an ancient, sword-saint-in-disguise? Was it testing me, seeing if I was worthy enough for some grand, cosmic lesson?
"Look," I said, eyes narrowing. "You're definitely up to something. I know it. You don't just behead my morning with a reckless charge and then expect me to follow you like this is some mystical bonding experience." The goat stopped dead in its tracks and turned its head, staring at me with such an intense, judgmental gaze that I felt like my soul was being weighed.
"Are you... judging me right now?" I said, genuinely offended. The goat blinked. And then, it began walking again, as if it had made up its mind.
"Great. Just great. I'm being judged by a reincarnated sword saint goat." I sighed, dragging myself forward.
By noon, we reached the outskirts of the Blackthorn Sect. The landscape was much more... intimidating than the cheerful chaos of the Nightshade Demon Sect. Towering spires of black stone loomed overhead, and dark clouds swirled above like ominous sentinels.
I turned to my goat companion. "This is it. The home of our diplomatic allies, where peace and respect shall reign... until you inevitably ruin everything, right?"
The goat didn't respond. It simply snorted and trotted toward the gates with determination.
As we approached, two Blackthorn Sect guards eyed us curiously, their expressions as hard as the stone walls behind them. The first one raised an eyebrow at the goat, then at me.
"Uh, what's this?" the guard asked, gesturing at my unruly companion.
I smiled awkwardly. "This is my... associate. We're here on official business." The goat immediately butted me in the shin.
The guards exchanged a glance. "Official business, huh? Well, you're going to have to take that... thing inside with you."
I gritted my teeth. "Don't worry, I've got this under control."
I turned to the goat. "Behave. This is a diplomatic mission. No charging, no exploding, no burning down the gates with your… uh, demonic aura. Got it?"
The goat stared at me blankly, then went to chewed on a nearby bush.
"Oh, I see. You're already ignoring me," I muttered. "Great." The guards parted to let us pass, and we were led into the heart of the Blackthorn Sect, where an imposing figure awaited us at the center of the courtyard: the Sect Leader.
He was a tall man—no, not man, demon—dressed in long robes embroidered with black runes that pulsed with dark energy. His hair was as dark as midnight, flowing like an obsidian river. But it was his eyes that grabbed my attention: eyes that glowed with an unsettling blue fire.
"Welcome to the Blackthorn Sect, Long Fei Jian," the Sect Leader said, his voice smooth and cold, like the still waters of a forgotten lake. "I see you've brought your… companion."
I glanced down at the goat. It was chewing on a rock now.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the goat interrupted with a loud, defiant bleat.
The Sect Leader raised an eyebrow, looking between me and the goat with a faint smile. "This is going to be... interesting."
I had a bad feeling about this. And I knew, in that moment, that whatever "diplomatic mission" we were on was going to get very, very messy... Negotiations Gone Horribly Wrong (But Hilarious)
The Blackthorn Sect Leader, whose name I definitely forgot the moment I saw him, leaned back in his obsidian throne-like chair, his gaze fixed on me with the same cool indifference one might give a particularly annoying mosquito.
"So," he said slowly, his voice like a velvet blade, "I've heard much about your... unique approach to diplomacy, Long Fei Jian. The dumpling incident at the Heavenly Sect was particularly... enlightening."
I tried to smile. "I prefer to think of it as an... unconventional strategy." I was lying. The dumpling incident had, in fact, involved explosive dumplings, a dozen angry sect elders, and a very shaky truce. It was one of those things I was still trying to forget.
The goat, apparently unimpressed by the formality of the moment, wandered around the room, snorting loudly as it kicked over an ornamental vase. A beautiful, ancient vase. The kind you'd only find in a museum.
"Oh, wonderful," I muttered under my breath. "That's definitely going to be an international incident."
The Blackthorn Sect Leader didn't even blink. He simply raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Your... goat is quite the... charmer."
I could feel my life force slowly draining away as I forced a smile. "Yeah, well, he's got a very, uh, unique approach to... life." I shot a quick glance at the goat, who was now sniffing around the ceiling as though searching for something to ruin.....