The large grandfather clock inside the room ticked in a constant motion as the crackles of fire in the hearth battled the howl of the winter winds that roared against the glass panes of Aina's room. There was a harsh rustling of sheets inside the canopy bed at the center. The pillows are dampened, soaked with sweat and tears as the woman inside it clutched her thick duvet tightly.
The setting winter sun outside the arched windows of her room bore witness to the suffering that overtook her.
The doors open, and Aina sees a slender silhouette through the sheer curtains of her canopy. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, as she sat up so slowly it only made the ache on her chest worsen.
"My Lady, are you awake?" Allie. What is she doing here?
"What is it?" her dry throat vibrated uncomfortably as she spoke.
"It's almost time for dinner with your family, my Lady" Allie walks towards her and stops at the side of the bed.
Ah, I forgot about that.
Aina breathes out, the air coming out in shaky intervals. She tries to control her breathing, though when another shot of pain thundered against her chest, she grits her teeth in pain. What is this? What is happening to me? Aina shakingly pulls the sheer curtains to reveal herself. She sees her maid through the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, covered in a warm glow from the fireplace.
"Tell father I'm not feeling too well tonight, so I will not be joining them for dinner" her voice trembled, and she hoped Allie didn't notice the sweat forming on her forehead, and the panic in her eyes from the throbbing pain that settled deep in her chest.
"Are you feeling alright, my Lady?"
"It's just another heartburn" Aina insisted, but even she had a hard time believing her own words. The stabbing pains on her chest argued otherwise. Almost - it almost feels like a hundred insects slowly creeping up on my heart. The pain was both uncomfortable and overbearing. It was creeping, like a hundred ants walking inside her chest, biting inside her, eating away at her heart. It was painful, and she wanted to scratch it all off.
"...Alright, my Lady" even in the midst of pain, Aina could sense the hesitation in Allie's voice.
Aina was relieved to hear the doors of her room creaked close. She slowly slumps back down on her bed, even the small movement made the pain rise by a hundred. There was throbbing in her back, where the heart was located, and it made the ribs beside it ache - the pain was travelling in parts of her body near her chest. It hurts too much.
She covers herself with the duvet, gritting her teeth through the pain. As she closed her eyes, the last thing she saw before she lost consciousness was the painting of cherubs frolicking in the clouds painted on the ceiling of her canopy.
The next time Aina opened her eyes, it was to the view of the room cloaked in darkness. The fire roared inside the hearth, and she knew her maid had come in again while she slept, in order to keep the fire going. There were flickers of ember and a faint orange glow that cast a warm light upon the whole room.
Aina didn't know how long she had been asleep. And as if by instinct, she feels relief washing over her when she realizes that the pain that was settling before her had now gone, leaving only a small ache like an echo deep in her chest.
She sat up, feeling the uncomfortable wetness of her nightgown against her skin. Most probably, she had been sweating deeply as she slept.
A chill ran down her spine.
It came suddenly. Violently. A crushing weight on her chest, as though something inside her ribs had swollen and pressed outward. Her breath caught mid-inhale, and when she tried to cry out, no sound came. Her fingers scrambled to claw at the fabric on her chest, as if she could dig through the silk and into skin and bone to get to the pain and tear it out.
Her body seized under the thick duvet. Her legs kicked instinctively, the duvet tangling around them like vines. A choked sob escaped her lips as the throbbing in her heart flared—hot and biting. Her throat burned from dryness, and her vision blurred with unshed tears.
She curled onto her side, arms clutched tight to her chest, and gasped shallowly through gritted teeth.
Through the pain, she sees a shadow standing beside the arched window, with the howling winds behind it. Aina grits her teeth as she glares at the figure as it stands still, like a ghost that keeps haunting her. She knew who it was, she had known since it first appeared. Johannes.
Is this you're doing?
Are you making me suffer?
Trickles of sweat dripped onto the sides of her face, and her dark hair clings against her temples, dampened by the forming sweat. Her tears fell in droplets down her reddened cheeks. She started shaking, the trembles starting from her hands, and ending on her shoulders, as she curled even more, hugging her knees to her chest. She sobbed through the pain, and fisted the fabric of her nightgown on her breast.
Not again, please, I can't do this anymore.
The pain was different now. Whatever she felt moments before was tame compared to the agony that she feels now. The small aches before that felt like a hundred ants but now it felt like an unknown force was wringing it out, squeezing it dry, and tearing it away from her chest. There was a strong itch, a sensation that she wanted to carve out from her chest.
She started scratching.
And scratching
And scratching.
And scratching.
There was a stinging pain coming from the tips of her fingers and the smell of blood coming from it. She knew they were bleeding. But she doesn't stop. I can't stop. She tells herself.
The pain was electric. It branched out deep from her heart, like a thousand ants crawling out from her arteries. They reached her collarbones, marching down her spine, and to her ribs. Her limbs tingle, and she feels the tips of her fingers numb as she keeps scratching down.
Her toes curled against the sheets, and she gritted her teeth, grinding them together as if the pain would disappear if she did so. "Ngh…" she groaned as another sharp pain rose suddenly.
Suddenly, another shot of pain came. "Hah!" she gasped through it, taking in ragged breaths as tears and sweat marked her face.
The winter moon cast a cold glow through the sheer curtains that covered her bed. Aina's own pulse thundered against her ear loudly, overpowering the winds howling from outside her balcony, and the fire that roared from the hearth dulled on her ears. The grandfather clock ticked in matching beats with the throbbing pulse beating against her chest. She winces at the pain, and in the loudness of her pulse hammering in the back of her head.
In the midst of pain, Aina sobbed quietly in the darkness of her room. She tried to stop herself, but it came anyway. "Hngh" she groaned through her tears - a broken and helpless sound escaping from her lips as she felt the weight of her situation.
No one can know.
No one can help me - someone help me!
In that moment, gone was the girl who stood up for herself in the presence of a Duke. There was only a girl who was in agony.
"My Lady?" someone spoke near her, though Aina was unable to recognize them through the blurriness in her tear-filled eyes.
"I-It hurts - !" She tried to scream, but her mouth was left hanging when she opened her lips, a silence of horror escaping them as she sobbed quietly, the sound muffled as though a cloth bound her lips.
Once more, Aina tries to scratch against the fabric, hoping it would ease the unimaginable pain. Her ruined fingers bled once more, the tips of her nail breaking from the force of scraping them through the thick fabric.
A force wrapped themselves around her wrists, their hold firm but not aggressive. The force pulled her hand away from her chest, and Aina ached - she ached even more now that the small relief she felt from scratching her chest was gone. Suddenly, she opens her eyes fully, finally recognizing her maid, Allie, who kneeled over her. Her maid wore an expression of pure distress, the tips of her blonde hair caressed against her lady's forehead.
Panic came. It washed over her, like a cold water that jolted her awake. Her eyes were rimmed with tears, and they widened in a panicked surprise.
"W-What…" Why was Allie kneeling over her body?
"My Lady, please, you're hurting yourself!" her maid was pleading, a horrified expression painting her face. Aina had never seen such a strong emotion on her indifferent maid's face before.
Just as easily as the panic came, it left. The pain that was muted from the panic returned instantly, swallowing her whole being, like a nightmare prepared to eat her alive. The itch came back like the monster under the bed who never went away. She itched, it itched and it ached and she wanted to scratch it all off. Her eyes shut from the pain, and she writhed under the heavy weight of her maid, gritting her teeth, and fighting from the firm hold that Allie had on her wrists.
She needed to scratch it all off.
"Allie, it hurts so much, I-I can't do this" she begged and tried to fight back from Allie's strong hold. She just needed to scratch it one more time.
Please.
"My Lady, please stay here for a moment, I'm going to call the Medic"
Aina's eyes shot open, and she glared at her maid with an intensity that battled against the pain in her chest. Repulsion coursed through her veins, and disgust paired with agony crossed her face. No, anything but that. No matter how in pain she was, the thought of the Medic being near her was repulsive. She can't do it.
"No! Allie, don't call him, I'm ordering you!" she shouted, as she writhed once more beneath her maid, and fighting back with a force that came suddenly from the repulsion and the pain she was under.
Allie seemed conflicted. There was hesitation and worry in her eyes. "My Lady, please, you need to get treated!" she argued, a pleading tone takes over her voice.
"Allie…" Aina grits her teeth when another wave of pain comes. "I c-can't let him touch me, please - I would rather die…"
There was a certain knowing look that crossed Allie's face before it was gone after just a second.
"W-What's happening to you, my Lady?" Allie asks. Her voice filled with worry and concern. If it weren't for the fact Aina was under so much pain, she would've noticed immediately that it was the first time her maid had ever asked a personal question to her. Her indifferent maid was not so indifferent after all.
"I-I don't - it hurts so much" her eyes shuts once more, her face crumpled with intense pain.
"My Lady, I'll get off of you, but promise me that you wouldn't scratch"
"P-Promise" she shuttered over her words, as her toes curled when another pain stabbed her chest, vibrating across the parts around her heart.
Allie's blonde hair waved over her, and her maid's hold tightened for a second, before she slowly let go, getting off of her Lady. Allie sat on the side of the bed, her own cotton nightgown ruffled from the struggle with her Lady earlier. Her head hung low, and a cold glow emitted from the moonlight reflected on the side of her face.
"My Lady, I can't just leave you to suffer like this"
There was distress in her pitched tone, as she watched how Aina writhes in pain, curling up into a ball as she groaned, her teeth grinding against each other as she fought through the vibrating pain.
"You must" she answers immediately.
Aina turns so slowly in order to avoid another stab of pain. When she finally turns to her maid, Allie sees her face clearly. Sweat slicked the edges of her face, slowly dripping down her brows. Her long, black hair was greasy with sweat, and it stuck to the sides of her face, and a single strand stayed just beside her lips. Her pale eyes seemed to glow in the dim light, and her once pink lips were chapped and pale, and the dark bags under her eyes highlighted her paleness.
"Do not tell anyone about what happened here" there was fear in her trembling voice, and an authority in her eyes that Allie knows she could never defy.
"...As you wish, my Lady"
_
For the third time, Aina wakes up from losing her consciousness. She woke up to the light of the winter sun shining brightly outside her windows. The storm had passed, was the first thing on her mind when her eyes opened and greeted the warmth of the sun. The grandfather clock ticked loudly and alone. There were no crackles from the burning wood in the fireplace. When Aina sat up, she glanced around the room, seeing the hearth unlit, with only ashen remains of the scorching wood from last night. The witness to her agony.
"My Lady, you're awake" Aina sees Allie from the tied curtains of her canopy. She had a tray with a basin of water on it. There were visible dark circles under her eyes, and unlike the night before, she now wore her uniform, and her long blonde hair was tied up in a tight bun.
"Allie, you look tired" she felt guilty, looking down on her clasped hands over the thick duvet laid on top of her body, unable to see the look of incredulity that crossed the face of the maid.
"How are you feeling, my Lady?" Aina looks up to see her maid placing the basin on top of the birch bedside table.
Now that Allie had asked her that question, Aina finally notices the lack of pain in her chest. There was no itch that hung like a shadow, and no vibration throbs that made her scream in pain. There was only emptiness, and a small ache like there were bruises inside her chest. Though compared to the pain she felt before, the ache she feels now seems miniscule in comparison.
"It doesn't feel painful anymore" she assured. And Allie seemed relieved to hear so. She breathes out heavily as if she had been holding that breath since yesterday night.
Aina eyes her with amusement.
"I'm glad, my Lady," Allie says and she stops for a moment, like she was contemplating. "My Lady, may I tell you something?" It was the first time her maid wanted to tell her anything.
What could it be?
"You may" Aina gives her permission.
"When I was a child, an epidemic struck our village. It was called the Dark Epidemic if you are familiar with it, my Lady?" Aina's eyes widened at the name, but she let her maid continue.
"I know the papers say that the Holy Pope came and healed the village, but that wasn't true" There was animosity in Allie's tone as she spoke of the Pope, and Aina could see the clear hatred in her eyes.
"The truth to it was that Devein refused all aid to come to us after the Holy Pope couldn't heal the village even with his Holy Relics. He called us 'cursed'. And that we were being punished by the Saint. We thought all hope was lost, that all of us would die, but a Medic came to the village and healed us, though my parents were already lost by then - " Allie was cut off.
"Why are you telling me this?" Aina could see the shadows that hung behind her maid, and the hatred and poison in her tone as she spoke of the Holy Pope. She sees the way a flicker of grief flashed her eyes for a moment at the mention of her dead parents, before switching back to hate.
Why was she suddenly telling me all this?
"The Medic who helped us was a woman, my Lady"
Aina sees the conviction in her maid's eyes. And she understood the implications of her words. A Medic who was a woman was unheard of in the whole Empire of Edaria. Women cannot be Medics, they weren't allowed by the laws of the Empire to do so. They weren't granted the education, though exceptions were made for the daughters of high-ranking nobles.
"She's a commoner?" Aina wanted to make sure.
"Yes"
A commoner woman who is a Medic.
"If she was able to heal the epidemic, don't you think…" Allie trailed off though Aina knew what she wanted to say.
"Where is she?"
"She is called Cora, my Lady, and last I heard she lives here, in the Evrian Duchy"