Hey guys!
Sooo, I thought it'd be hilarious to imagine what Without Me would sound like if Hela rewrote it in her own crazy, chaotic way.
I had way too much fun writing this, and honestly? It fits her way too well.
Hope it makes you laugh as much as it did me!
...
[Intro: Hela]
Hela's here! Real death, no gimmicks (record scratch)
[Refrain 1: Hela]
Two SHIELD agents run 'round the base
'Round the base, 'round the base
Two SHIELD agents run 'round the base
Screaming loud, look at their face
[Refrain 2: Hela]
Guess who's back, back again
Death is back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back
Guess who's back, guess who's back
Guess who's back, guess who's back
(The universe just peed a little.)
[Verse 1: Hela]
I created a shitstorm, 'cause nobody wants to
See Scott Summers no more, they want Jean, she's hotter
Well if you want drama, this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of chaos mixed with some witty banter
Some Magneto that'll throw tanks at your grandma
While the Brotherhood does parkour through the drama (Whee!)
You waited this long, now stop complaining
'Cause I'm back, resurrected, and misbehaving
I know that you got a squad, Nick Fury
But your Plan B's looking kinda... nuclear-y
So the UN won't let me be
Or let me be me, so let me see
They try to blame me for World War Three
But it feels so empty without me
So, come on, sit, throw a fit
Flip the script, and lose your shit
And get ready, 'cause the world's about to get heavy
I just claimed some new dead souls—Cheers, Peggy!
[Chorus: Hela]
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody just bow to me
'Cause we need a little anarchy
'Cause it feels so empty without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody just bow to me
'Cause we need a little anarchy
'Cause it feels so empty without me
[Verse 2: Hela]
Little mutants, kids feeling rebellious
Pissed 'cause Magneto turned half their friends to pellets
Start feeling like prisoners, helpless
'Til someone flies in wearing antlers and velvet (me!)
A visionary, deathly and scary
Could start Ragnarok, burn your sanctuary
A rebel, just let me revel and bask
In the fact I've got Asgard kissing my ass (smack)
And it's a disaster, a cosmic catastrophe
For you to see me laughing hysterically—You asked for me?
Well, I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Fix your little defense line, tune it in tighter
I'm entering up under your skin like a spider
Center of attention, back for the slaughter
I'm interesting, the best thing since Loki
Infesting in your council meetings, lowkey
Testing, "Attention, please!"
Feel the tension when someone mentions me
Here's my two cents, my death sense is free
A nuisance — who sent? You sent for me!
[Chorus: Hela] (Repeat)
[Verse 3: Hela]
A tisk-it a task-it, I'll smash your whole casket
Anybody talking 'bout peace can get blasted
Charles Xavier? You can get mind-snatched
Worse than a Skrull wearing Nick Fury's eyepatch
And Tony? You can get hacked by Loki
You billionaire playboy robot jockey
You don't know me, but your AI fears me
I'm the upgrade that breaks your theory
Now let's go, just give me the signal
I'll be there with a horned helmet and some kind of death jingle
I've been dope, suspenseful with a blade, though
Ever since Odin tried to ground me like a damn crow
But sometimes, shit just seems
Everybody only wants to meme me
So this must mean I'm a queen, see
Or it's just me being me... gloriously obscene
Though I'm not the first Queen of Rebellion
I am the worst thing since medieval hellions
To conquer realms so selfishly
And use 'em to build my Death Army (Hey!)
There's a concept that works
Twenty million other cosmic jerks
But no matter how many gods in the sky
It'd be so empty without Hela (that's right!)
[Chorus: Hela] (Repeat)
[Outro: Hela]
Hum dei dei la la, la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la la
Hum dei dei la la, la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la la
Kids... and corpses!