The morning had been rainy, Min Soo had waited for me as always, and the first class was math, my personal nightmare, when I was taken to class, taken to my halfway house.
"You have fifteen minutes to pack your bags. We found a new place for you."
As soon as I entered my room, I attempted to call Min Soo, but he didn't pick up. Just as I put the last pieces of clothing into my backpack, my phone rang. As I picked up, I hoped I sounded stronger than I felt.
I felt tears burning, and emotions choking me. I had warned him, but somewhere along the way, Min Soo had made me forget the reality of my life and made me hope I could have it all.
He tried to calm me down, but I heard the shift in his voice. When the time was up I walked out of my room with two bags. I had to comply now, but I swore I'd find my way back to Min Soo.
My phone had been taken, so every now and then I'd steal the house phone, called Min Soo, glad I had memorised his number, and every night I cried myself asleep, because of the life and the people I had been ripped away from.
It had taken me two weeks of observing and plotting to finally start my escape. We had gone downtown once, and I had seen directions to a station nearby. As I walked out while everyone else thought I was upstairs in my room, I enjoyed the sun on my skin, I could actually appreciate the trees and plants decorating the neighbourhood.
As I stood in front of a door all too familiar to me, I took a deep breath before I rang the bell. I hadn't seen my mother in months. She'd probably be drunk again or get mad at me. I rang the bell, and the door opened quickly. My mother saw me, she looked surprised, but she still let me in.
I explained the last two weeks to her, she had poured me a drink, she knew I could use one. The alcohol smelled like my childhood, the house looked the same as I remembered, while Edith Piaf sounded from the TV. My stepdad drank his beer, while my mother had the same drink as I had, but probably a lot stronger.
When I was done talking my stepdad took me into my room to show me my injuries, as he had noticed my wrist, which was swollen and had discolouration due to a fall.
I wasn't beaten up, but he was concerned about the weightloss and the wrist, so he called the family doctor to document it and took pictures while my mother made some phone calls. I had no idea who she called, but when everything was done my mother sent my stepdad out to talk alone.
"Scarlett, I'm furious," She started in French as she took another sip of her drink.
"I'd be wrong to send you back, CPS has broken multiple laws and I refuse to cooperate on child abuse, so I've arranged for you to go with family of your best friend back in Amsterdam, the Chinese girl you've always spent your time with."
I took a few sips of my drink, listening without interrupting, not knowing this side of my mother, to whom I was used to be the enemy, always the one in the wrong. It hadn't taken an hour before we headed to the airport and she'd look for the right gate. I had been handed documents with a different name, but it was definetly me.
To my surprise the document didn't fail, and I was sent on a plain to Shanghai, a city and a country where I didn't know anyone, I didn't know what would wait for me on the end of the destination, all I knew was that I'd write in my diary on the plain, keep in my tears and keep my mp3 in my ears the entire flight. All I knew was that there wouldn't be a way back, not from Shanghai back to Paris, I'd have to work as hard as possible to keep my oath.
As the plain landed I grabbed my backpack, the only things I had were in the bag I carried. Shanghai. My new home. Then I saw a woman holding a paper sign with my name on it Scarlett, in bright pink highlighter with a heart over the i. Luna's aunt. Aunty Mei. Her smile was warm, but her eyes looked tired, and a little sad.
"This is my husband, Dawei," she said, then gestured to a boy standing a few feet behind her with his arms crossed. "And this is our son, Fang."
Fang didn't say a word. He didn't even look at me, just scowled at the floor like picking me up was ruining his life. I tried to smile.
Aunty Mei worked as a surgeon, Uncle Dawei worked as a lawyer. They worked long hours, which meant most days I was either home alone or just in my room while Fang was roaming the apartment.
Fang barely looked at me. When he did talk, it was sharp, short, and mostly in a language I didn't understand yet. I hated how that made me feel, stupid and invisible.
At school, it was even worse. Everyone stared. I couldn't read the signs, the homework, the announcements. I started copying characters into a notebook, trying to make sense of the strokes. Like if I cracked the code, I'd stop feeling like I was underwater all the time.
Luna emailed me every day. I loved her for that.
The apartment was silent. I dropped my bag in my room and collapsed on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The sun was setting, casting gold lines across the floor.
I pulled out my MP3, scrolled to a song I'd been avoiding all week, and hit play.
I didn't even mean to sing along. It just happened. A whisper at first. Then a little louder. The words cracked as they left my throat, but I kept going as I cleaned my room, attempting to make it a space of my own. As I put some of the gifts and new clothes into different spots, I sang like no one could hear me. Because no one could.
Some days, I almost convinced myself I was okay. I was learning the language and culture. Slowly. At school, I sat alone. I was the weird foreigner who barely spoke, who dressed a little different, who flinched at cafeteria smells and kept her eyes on her tray. I noticed things. I started to understand things. But I never let anyone know how much I understood. It was better that way. If people didn't know how much I was listening, they couldn't hurt me with what they said.
I hated silence more than anything. The silence between classes. That's when I missed Mason the most. I kept my headphone on most of the time. Even when nothing was playing. Just to feel like I had a barrier between me and the world. Between me and the noise in my own head.
I thought I was alone in the apartment. I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bag, and I started cleaning again while singing my heart out to some Avril Lavigne song, I needed to get a fresh batch of water to clean, so I picked up my bucket and walked out of my room.
Then I turned the corner. And walked right into someone's chest. I staggered back, letting out a soft gasp, and looked up.