I was in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, wrist-deep in soap and regret, scrubbing a pan like it owed me money.
From the living room, I could hear the TV playing one of those nature documentaries with a dramatic British voice talking about predators of the wild.
"Papa!" Elena's voice shot through the air like an arrow. "What's a zoo?"
I peeked over my shoulder. She was curled up on the couch beside Erza, eyes sparkling like she just discovered magic.
"A zoo?" I said, rinsing the pan. "It's a place where humans keep animals like lions, tigers, elephants… so people can go see them up close."
Her jaw dropped.
"Animals!? Real animals!?"
"Well, yeah. Not the talking kind or anything. Just regular ones. You know, Earth animals."
She looked at me like I just told her dragons were made of chocolate.
"Can we go? Please? I wanna see the lion and the tiger and—what's a bear again?"
I chuckled. Right, fantasy world kid. Probably thinks bears are some kind of goblin.
"Sure," I said. "Let's go on a family trip. Zoo day."
"Yessss!" Elena jumped on the couch, arms flailing in pure joy.
"Don't scream in the house," Erza said sharply beside her, sipping tea like a queen judging commoners. "Act with dignity. You are not a peasant child."
"She's literally three," I muttered, drying my hands.
Elena giggled and stuck her tongue out at Erza.
Erza raised an eyebrow. "She gets that from your side."
"Proudly," I said.
Today, it's zoo day. Since it's my weekend
What could possibly go wrong?
Hour later.
I was getting ready for our zoo trip. All was going well… until I saw Erza.
She stood there like she was about to lead a royal parade—decked out in a full queen's uniform.
Flowing cape, golden embroidery, armored heels. I swear I saw a sparkle effect around her.
"Nope," I muttered. "If we go like this, we'll end up on the news."
First step: Operation Blend In. That meant I had to buy normal clothes for both Her Majesty and my overly adorable daughter.
Thankfully, I'd been saving up. Time to enter the wild jungle known as... online shopping.
"Erza," I called. "What's your height and weight?"
She looked at me like I'd just asked her to marry a goblin.
A glare that said 'You dare measure the Queen's body?'
"Oh, come on! I'm just buying you a new dress!" I said, waving my phone."
She crossed her arms. "I'll choose it myself."
And just like that, I made the greatest mistake of my life.
Two. Hours. Later.
Two hours of scrolling, sighing, criticizing modern fashion, rejecting anything "too plain," and comparing dresses like she was selecting a battle strategy.
All universes women's are truly the same.
Even dragon queens take two hours to pick one dress.
She finally picked something.
A black sweetheart neck crop top with high-rise trousers.
Like hell I knew what that was. I just smiled and nodded like a supportive husband who'd been spiritually defeated.
Meanwhile, Elena went full chaos mode in the kids' section sites and chose a fluffy baby panda dress. That, at least, I understood. I gave her a proud thumbs up.
"Great choice, champ."
The order arrived in an Hour. I'd already paid online, so all that was left was the trial.
That's when I remembered... Erza doesn't know how to wear modern clothes.
She stood in front of the mirror, holding the outfit like it was a cursed artifact.
"How do I wear this?" she asked, brows furrowed, tail twitching.
Seriously? You conquered kingdoms but can't figure out pants?
I sighed and pulled up Etube on my phone. Searched: how to wear a crop top and trousers.
"Watch this tutorial," I said, handing it to her.
She squinted at the screen. "This is humiliating."
"Yeah, but at least you won't accidentally wear the pants on your arms."
Finally, we were ready.
Backpacks packed. Snacks ready. Zoo tickets in my email.
Elena bounced by the door like a mini rocket.
"Yes, Daddy! We're going to the zoo!" she cheered, spinning in her baby panda dress.
Then Erza stepped out of the room.
"Mortal," she said with that usual haughty tone, "How do I look?"
I turned—and immediately forgot how to breathe.
She actually wore the outfit. The black sweetheart crop top, the high-rise trousers—everything fit her like it was tailored by gods. She even cut tiny holes for her tail and wings, so they could peek out gracefully.
She wasn't just beautiful. She looked divine. Like a goddess who descended to Earth just to make peasants like me question their existence.
I almost blurted, You're literally a goddess.
Instead, I swallowed my words, cleared my throat, and nodded like a man with dignity.
"Not bad. I didn't think you'd pull it off, but it suits you."
Can't give her a chance to mock me, after all.
Her eyes narrowed.
"Oh? Just 'not bad'?"
Elena tugged at her hand, giggling.
"Mama's really pretty! Like those models on the screen!"
Erza smiled faintly, brushing her fingers through Elena's hair.
"Hmph. At least someone here has taste."
Me? I just grabbed the car keys and pretended to check the GPS.
This trip was going to be wild.
Oh yeah… I forgot to tell you about my car.
It's not much.
Second-hand. A bit of rust here and there. AC's moody. The engine coughs louder than I do in winter.
But… it runs. And it's mine.
The orphanage NGO gave it to me when I turned eighteen.
Guess they felt bad. Fifteen years… no one picked me.
So they handed me a key and said, "Go make a life."
I didn't have much back then.
No parents.
No home.
Just an old car and a cheap apartment.
But now…
Now I've got a tiny tornado in a panda onesie calling me papa,
And a royal dragon queen threatening to burn me alive at least twice a day.
Weird? Yeah.
Exhausting? Absolutely.
But it's mine.
My family. My chaos. My life.
And for some reason… I wouldn't trade it for the world.