To Harry Potter,
Thank you for your interest in our services. After some discussion Dr.'s Venkman, Stantz, and Spengler accompanied by Mr. Zeddemore will be more than happy to help you and your school with your haunting problem. The team will be there on site in a week's time. The Ghostbusters are ready to believe you!
Sincerely,
Janine Melnitz
Secretary
Harry read the letter to Hermione two days after it was sent from New York. The Floo call to McGonagall took even less time. The Headmistress was thrilled to finally have some relief. She had to end the call early however, as one of the masked Death Eaters burst through the fireplace and startled her. Harry and Hermione could have sworn they heard McGonagall say things that they had never thought their former professor knew how to say.
"I'm nervous about this Harry, you're sure you told them everything they needed to know?" Hermione asked for the umpteenth time.
"Yes Hermione, I sent them the Ministry of Magic approved map and everything. Shacklebolt thought it was a novel idea using a paranormal extermination team to deal with those two Death Eaters." Harry replied.
"Paranormal is a bit wooly, isn't it?" Hermione said. "I mean, magic and non-magic mixing. What happens if their equipment goes haywire at the school?"
"I know, I know, standard Muggle things like electronics don't work at Hogwarts, but these men are professionals and have been doing this since the '80's. They know what they're doing."
"I hope you're right…" Hermione said and spread the Daily Prophet out at the dinner table.
A short few days later and Harry and Hermione arrived at Hogwarts to meet with Headmistress McGonagall. Once again Ron was in makeup classes due to falling behind on reports. The ghosts were continuing to cause havoc, having put a first year into the hospital wing under a Dreamless Sleep Potion and a Calming Draught. The situation was clearly deteriorating quickly. As McGonagall spoke with Harry and Hermione a distinct wailing warble could be heard echoing through the valley. A blazing white 1959 Cadillac Ambulance could be seen driving through the front gates of the castle. Its siren blared blue lights strobed as it entered the grounds and circled the fountain in the front courtyard.
"Quite the…er…entrance." McGonagall quipped.
"Did someone call for an exterminator?" Dr. Venkman said as he got out of the front passenger seat of the Cadillac, affectionately named Ecto-1 as obvious by its yellow front license plate.
"Uh yeah, we did." Harry replied stepping forward as the other Ghostbusters stepped out of the Ecto-1.
"I'm Dr. Venkman, this Dr. Stantz, Dr. Spengler, and well, Winston." Venkman introduced everyone.
"Hello, nice to meet you, thanks for coming." Harry said as he shook each of their hands in turn. "I'm Harry, Harry Potter. Welcome to Hogwarts. This is my friend, Hermione Granger, and Headmistress McGonagall."
"How do you do?" Hermione asked as she too, shook hands with everyone.
"I'm pleased you were willing to take on this assignment. The school has been overrun by a pair of ghosts. They're not friendly like the others and the students and staff are suffering." McGonagall explained.
"No to worry! The Ghostbusters are on the job." Venkman said as Ray and the others were strapping on their Proton Packs and equipment. "Where are these two troublemakers?" Venkman asked as they switched on their packs.
"This way." McGonagall led the group inside. Venkman whistled at the grandeur of the castle as they moved through the corridors and various staircases.
"What's the market value on a place like this?" Venkman asked as he craned his neck up to see the ceiling at the top of the central stairs.
"Oh, I wouldn't know, the castle's never been for sale." McGonagall replied. The Headmistress took the group along the Serpentine Corridor until they came to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. "This is typically where they haunt, however, they're not limited to this room. They tend to use the entire school for their awful antics."
"We'll start here then." Venkman said. Dr. Spengler took out his PKE Meter and began to scan the area as they walked through the currently unused classroom.
"Look at these readings." Egon said and showed Ray.
"Uh huh, I should have expected as much, given this is the most haunted building in Britain."
"Excuse me, it's technically the second most haunted building in Great Britain. The first is –"
"The Shrieking Shack, we know." Ray replied.
"Well, it used to be. We swung through the village on our way here. Thought we might help out the little folk, you know. And maybe make a couple extra bucks on the side. Turns out there was nothing in there. Not a single ghost." Venkman said, sounding happy. "The villagers were so overjoyed they gave me this sack of gold!"
Hermione looked visibly annoyed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"So much for anymore werewolves attending here…" she muttered under her breath.
"It's fine Hermione…" Harry said.
"What about Teddy?!" Hermione hissed at him.
"He hasn't shown any signs of lycanthropy Hermione. He's fine." Harry shushed her.
"I am not getting anything over here." Winston said from a far corner of the classroom.
"Come out come out wherever you are! It's Dr. Venkman!"
"He does know that they do not care, does he not?" Egon asked Ray. Ray merely shrugged. As Venkman ascended the stairs to the office a pearly silver figure in a hood and mask dashed through the door.
"Ah ha! Blast 'em!" Venkman shouted. Ray turned and fired his Neutrona wand, sending a bright orange and arcing blue lightning Proton Stream after one of the Death Eater Ghosts. Ray's stream blasted the skeleton of the Hebridean Black dragon hanging from the ceiling and Hermione yelped and she and Harry ducked out of the way. The skeleton came crashing to the floor as the Death Eater ghost shot out of the classroom and down the hall. Egon and Winston perused it out of the classroom as the second Death Eater appeared and shot off in the other direction. Venkman and Stantz ran after the ghosts as it cackled.
"We better split up and follow them." Harry said, getting to his feet and pulling Hermione up with him.
"Agreed. Hopefully that skeleton wasn't a priceless artifact for the school…" Hermione said, lamenting the loss of the familiar decoration that had hung over their heads for so many years. The pair split up with Harry following Winston and Dr. Spengler while Hermione went after Dr.'s Stantz and Venkman. How they earned their doctorates she was not sure.
As Harry caught up to Winston and Dr. Spengler, they had the Death Eater contained in their Proton Streams.
"Hit it!" Winston said as he wrangled the angry and fighting ghost.
"If I had my wand, you filthy Muggles would all be dead!" the ghost screamed as Dr. Spengler stepped on the foot peddle for the trap. A small black box opened and suddenly the screaming Death Eater ghost was sucked into it, the box steaming.
"Oh, wonderful! That's the first one down!" McGonagall said, looking pleased with herself for having listened to her famed former students.
"I'll run this one out to the car and pick up another trap." Winston said and headed out of the castle and back to the Ecto-1.
"I'll continue to search the castle for any others." Egon said and moved off towards the dungeons.
"What does he mean, any others?" McGonagall asked Harry.
"I'm sure he just means the Death Eaters, professor." He responded. A moment later there were shouts coming from the dungeons. An angry pearlescent figure appeared in the entrance hall. The Blood Baron was wrapped in Dr. Spengler's Proton Stream.
"Why are you doing this?!" he croaked out before the trap was triggered and he was sucked into out howling in rage.
"What on earth? You're supposed to be getting rid of the Death Eaters! Not the House Ghosts as well!" McGonagall said.
"Your letter said there were a large number of ghosts that needed removing." Egon replied and handed Winston the now smoking trap as they exchanged full for empty.
"Hey, Egon, I'm full, you got a clean one?" Dr. Stantz said as he came down the central staircase. "This was real nasty, quiet, but she put up a hell of a fight." He handed the full trap off to Egon and took his empty as Egon then switched with Winston again.
"I should have let Miss Granger handle this herself, Mr. Potter!" McGonagall said and smacked the back of Harry's head with a piece of paper that Venkman had handed her upon his arrival.
"Please, Dr. Venkman, listen to me! I took classes here for seven years. I know which spirits are friendly and harmless and which ones are not!" Hermione pleaded with Peter Venkman as she chased him through the halls.
"Look lady, I know a ghost when I see one." Venkman said when the pair of them came upon Peeves the Poltergeist. The wide-faced, fat spirit flipped over in the air and looked at Dr. Venkman with curiosity.
"What are yous supposed to be?" Peeves asked.
"I'm your worst nightmare." Dr. Venkman replied.
"No! That's Peeves, he's a poltergeist but he's mostly harmless." Hermione said, faltering over her last words.
"Sure, he is." Venkman said and aimed his Particle Thrower cautiously.
"Peevesy is harmless he is. Don't like Muggles though! Not supposed to be here, you isn't. Tell Filch and the Headmistress I should." The Poltergeist said as he looked ready to retaliate.
Dr. Venkman fired his Neutrona Wand and immediately caught Peeves. Hermione backed away as Venkman threw out a trap. Peeves squealed.
"No, please! I never meant no harm! Just having fun, I was! Just fun! Not old Peevsey!" the Poltergeist begged.
Hermione took a breath to try and say something, but she was stopped as Peeves let out a burst and she yelped as the trap snapped shut on the pesky Poltergeist.
"Another one in the bag. Although, I have to admit, in doing this job for ten years now, I have never had a ghost cry at me before." Winston said holding up a smoking trap. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose as it was obvious that the Ghostbusters were not going to stop until every ghost in the castle was caught.
"Brilliant, that was Moaning Myrtle. She was innocent, you know? Killed by a Basilisk!" Harry called after Winston as he headed for the front of the castle to return the trap for a fresh one. How many had they brought? Harry wondered as he walked away from the flooded bathroom and soaking wet corridor.
"But-but I don't understand! This behavior is most unbecoming a Gryffindor!" a voice was calling out, strained and seemingly in pain. Harry rushed to the entrance of the Great Hall to see McGonagall standing beside the doorway, Dr. Spengler's Particle Thrower has Nearly Headless Nick in its grasp.
"What did I ever do to deserve this?!" Nick called out the Headmistress as he was sucked into the trap. "Now I'll never get to join the headless hunt!"
Harry turned to see a figure he did not immediately recognize walking slowly down the marble stairs towards him. He looked for a moment and then realized who it was.
"Hermione! What happened to you?" Harry asked. His brown-haired friend stood before him, covered head to toe in a layer of green translucent goo, her robes plastered to her body and her normally bushy hair was slicked to her head and pushed back in a single slimy curtain falling down her back.
"Apparently this is called being slimed." She responded very stiffly. "It's everywhere." She said utterly humiliated and dripping goo.
To their left the Fat Friar was attempting to escape out of a window as a chandelier burst above him and he was caught in Proton Stream. There was not anything he could do as he too was pulled into a trap.
"By my count, that should be all of 'em, except the Death Eater that escaped earlier." Dr. Spengler said. The four Ghostbusters moved into the Great Hall furtively, as their quarry was sitting at the Headmistress's spot at the staff table.
"Surprise!" Dr. Venkman shouted and fired his Neutrona Wand. Ray did the same and the decorative owl podium that had stood at the front of the Great Hall exploded apart. As did McGonagall's chair. The Death Eater ghost shot into the air, but he was caught between two streams and Winston added a third. As they wrestled with the ghosts the Proton Streams collided with windows shattering them, fracturing the fireplace, and destroying Slytherin House's table. Egon threw out a trap and the three fought with the ghost as he was forced to hover into position over the trap and yanked into it.
"Curse you Mudblood lovers! You filthy Muggles, I'll get you for this!" he screamed as he was captured.
"Well, that is one tidy cleanup job." Venkman said resting his elbows on Ray and Winston's shoulders.
He proudly walked out of the Great Hall with the other three Ghostbusters in tow, the hall itself a complete and utter wreck, even the enchanted ceiling was damaged and no longer reflected the sky outside, as giant hole in the middle was doing that well on its own.
"I can't believe this! I thought you were professionals! You were supposed to get rid of two ghosts, not all of them!" McGonagall screeched at them.
"Actually ma'am, this level of concentration of ghosts can interfere with your student's ability to learn and perform magic." Egon said.
"Oh, but how could you possibly know that! You're Muggles, aren't you?"
"No ma'am, we're scientists." Venkman said "And as it happens, we're running a two for one special. And with our special on Proton Charging your total is going to be…$95000"
"Miss Granger, what's the exchange rate?" McGonagall asked.
"That would be roughly, 14,709 Galleons, 5 Sickles, and 6 Knuts." Hermione replied, still stiffly.
"That's outrageous! These prices are worse than the ghosts!" McGonagall replied.
"We can always put 'em all back, even the trouble ones…" Venkman said and moved to grab the two traps that held the Death Eaters.
"Very well! I'll have the Goblins send a check…" McGonagall said.
"It was very nice meeting you all! Enjoy your ghost free school!" Venkman said as he opened the front passenger seat and climbed in.
"Aren't we forgetting something?" Ray asked.
Hermione and Harry watched from the front entrance as the Ghostbusters loaded their equipment and prepared to depart. Suddenly there came screaming from the dungeons and Harry turned and sidestepped as a green floating blob came careening up from the kitchens, gobbling a plate of food and being chased by an enraged Kreacher.
Hermione did not have time to get out of the way as Slimer passed through her, her entire upper body passed through the blob. A fresh coating of bright green translucent slime was added to her, and she ended up spitting a huge mouthful out.
"It's everywhere." she moaned through the slime.
"Ah, Slimer, I knew he was around here somewhere." Ray said as the green ghost splattered into the back of the Ecto-1 as it drove off.
"I need a shower." Hermione said as she turned to go back into the school.
"I'm afraid that won't be possible Ms. Granger. You see, your friends have decimated the school's plumbing removing Moaning Mrytle. You'll have to Apparate or Floo home from Hogsmeade." The Headmistress said and turned on her heel, closing the front doors on both Harry and Hermione.
"That went well." Harry quipped as Hermione slowly began to follow him to Hogsmeade, squelching all the way.
When Harry and Hermione finally returned to The Burrow that evening, Ron was sitting at the kitchen table. He turned to look at them both as they walked into the kitchen.
"Blimey Hermione, what happened to you?" Ron asked, seeing her covered and still dripping with goo. Hermione turned to him with a wild look in her eyes and drew her wand. Without uttering a sound Ron was thrown out of his chair onto his back as she slowly and stiffly climbed the stairs to take a shower.
"What was that for?!" Ron yelled as he slowly stood, rubbing the back of his head.
"Hermione had a tough day…we both did." Harry said. "But Hogwarts is ghost free now."
"Who did you get to do it? Did they get Peeves?"
"The Ghost-never mind." Harry said, knowing Ron would not understand.
"You should never have involved them!" Hermione's voice called down from upstairs.
"Well, who was I gonna call, Hermione!"
"Someone else!" she screamed.