I watched him from across the room, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.
Azel was fastening the last strap of his travel bag, his expression the same cold mask he always wore these days. The early morning light barely touched his face. It made him look even more distant, like he wasn't really here.
He hadn't said much since we left Gazi. Not that he was ever talkative before. But now... it was worse.
He kept everything locked inside, away from me.
I hugged my knees to my chest, trying to calm the heavy feeling that had been growing in me since that night.
Since he died. Since I failed to protect him, my eyes drifted toward the mark on his body—the black curse that crept along his skin. It was bigger now.
I noticed it after some time. The way it pulsed faintly under his skin, darker than before. I wanted to ask about it. I wanted to scream at him to tell me everything But every time I opened my mouth, the words froze.
I was afraid.
Afraid that if I pushed too hard, he would vanish and this time... he wouldn't come back.
"We leave in an hour."
He said without looking at me. His voice was steady, emotionless. Like always.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
We were heading north, to Ivnell—the isolated continent at the edge of the world. A place where even the bravest refused to settle.
A frozen wasteland with almost no cities, no kingdoms, no laws. It was the perfect place to hide.
But deep inside, a small voice whispered that he wasn't just running from the Church. He was running from everything.
I buried my face in my knees, squeezing my eyes shut.
I'm so pathetic.
He barely talked to me. He barely touched me ever since that incident. He barely smiled at me anymore.
And yet, I couldn't let go.
Even if he never loved me the way I loved him... Even if he only kept me around because of his lust, I would still follow him anywhere.
We walked in silence through the early morning streets. I stayed one step behind him, just like always.
The cold air bit at my face, but I didn't complain. I barely felt it anymore.
All I could focus on was him.
His broad back, the way his cloak flapped in the wind, the quiet way he muttered under his breath sometimes. At first, I thought he was thinking out loud. But after weeks of watching, I wasn't so sure anymore.
Sometimes it sounded like he was answering something.
Is there something inside him? I don't know. He wouldn't tell.
And I am too much of a coward to demand the truth.
"You're quiet today."
He said suddenly, glancing over his shoulder.
I forced a smile.
"Just tired."
He didn't question it. He turned back around without another word. I wanted to scream.
Ask me more. Notice me more. Hold me more. But he didn't.
As we reached the port where the ship to Ivnell waited, I remembered the day I chose him. It almost made me laugh.
I had fallen for him after a stupid dance. After seeing the way he moved with such confidence.
A dance.
That was all it took for me to decide I would give up everything for him. Looking back, it was insane. But even now, I didn't regret it.
Because no matter how cold he was... No matter how much he kept from me... He was the only person I had.
The only one who I consider my family. I glanced at him again but he hadn't looked at me once since we started walking.
Maybe he regretted taking me with him. Maybe he thought I was a burden. I don't know. He never tells me anything.
I squeezed my hands into fists inside my sleeves.
I won't let you go. Even if you hate me. Even if you push me away. I would cling to him until the end. Even if it destroyed me.
As we waited near the ship, he finally spoke again.
"When we reach Ivnell... we may have a quiet life. No fighting, just peace."
His voice was soft, almost wistful. For a moment, my heart soared.
A quiet life...? But then the doubts crashed down again, colder than the winter wind. Did he mean with me?
Or did he dream of a life where I wasn't dragging behind him like dead weight?
I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced another smile.
"I'd like that."
And I meant it. Even if I was just the shadow clinging to his feet, I would take that life.
The ship rocked gently as we boarded. I kept close to him, afraid to lose him even for a second.
I remembered my mother's last words before she died. How she had confessed that my father was murdered by the Church centuries ago. How she made me promise never to tell anyone.
I had been born with hatred for the Church in my blood, even before I met Azel.
Maybe that's why I had been drawn to him. Maybe that's why I had left everything away for him.
Because deep down, we were the same.
Broken, hunted and alone.
He leaned against the ship's railing, staring at the endless gray sea.
I watched him, feeling the obsession growing inside me like a second heartbeat.
I wanted to chain him to me. I wanted to lock him away where no one else could take him. I wanted to cut down anyone who dared look at him. I knew it wasn't normal.
But I didn't care anymore.
Ever since he died — ever since I held his ash on that rain— something inside me had snapped.
I couldn't lose him again.
Even if it meant becoming a monster.
"Are you cold?"
He asked suddenly, not turning around.
"A little."
He pulled off his cloak and handed it to me without a word.
I wrapped it around my shoulders, savoring the warmth that still lingered in the fabric.
It smelled like him. It made me feel safe. And horribly, horribly afraid.
Because someday, even this warmth might disappear.
I stood beside him, watching the waves.
"You know! I used to wonder if I made a mistake. Choosing you."
He didn't respond. He didn't even blink.
"But... even if it was foolish... I'd choose you again."
Still silence.
I didn't know if he heard me. I didn't know if he cared.
But it didn't matter because I wasn't leaving.
I rested my hand lightly against his back. He tensed slightly, but didn't pull away.
It was enough for now.
I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the sea.
One day, he would love me the way I loved him.
One day, he would need me the way I needed him.
Until then, I would stay.
Even if I had to burn everything else to ashes.