I left the flat half an hour later, my mind fixed in a cold resolve.
I carried a standard-issue pistol and a small arsenal of knives strapped secluded to my belt.
Each step felt deliberate, purposeful, every breath measured. I hadn't felt this way since the army, and even then, never this…motivated.
The streets were silent.
Not a peaceful, ordinary silence.
It was tense, the type of silence like held breath.
Those heavy quiet moments before a storm hit.
It was ironic. I had grown older, and usually with age, came growth, wisdom.
But instead, I had gone in full circle, returning to who I used to be.
Someone who wanted to protect…at the cost of anything.
I guess that's who I truly was...despite everything else.
Instinctually I had measured the Klicks the van had moved, marking each turn. So it wasn't hard to reverse and find out where I had been kidnapped. It was a club, in the red district. There were three guards outside with guns.
I hesitated for a moment, then decided, I might as well try and get all the help I could. Clasping my hands together, I flicked my eyes to the sky.
"Hey big guy, you've never answered me, but I figure you owe me one. So, let me save them. Please, I'll pray for you every day if I can save at least one of them."
Then, I began.
Raising my gun, I fired three times.
BAM, BAM, BAM.
The bullets pierced through the skull of each guard, and they dropped lifeless.
There was a pause, and then, screams. People began running, squealing for their lives as they saw the three guards shot down.
I stepped inside, moving like a shadow, gun raised. The guards inside were retreating into a back room, I couldn't afford to let them shut me out.
I fired, picking another 4 of them off easily before they noticed where I was amongst the rapidly thinning rush of people.
I dove behind a wall, avoiding the rain of bullets that came out to meet me.
Patiently, I waited for the hail of gunfire to cease. Then I waited a second longer, before turning around and firing.
Two more dropped in the middle of reloading.
The ease of the kill made me smile. These were only thugs, I had been trained against warriors.
'If only I could find that Bastard Azazael again. It'd be nice to put one through his skull.'
I stepped into the back rooms which led to an underground stairway. My movements were silent, ears attuned to any creak or whisper.
There was one door at the bottom, I stepped through quickly, gun raised. It was empty, apart from a small figure on the ground.
My heart sank as I approached.
"Mary" I croaked, my voice breaking as I knelt beside her.
Her face was barely recognisable beneath the score of bruises and cuts.
Her chest rose and fell in shallow, laboured breaths. And despite it all, despite everything that she should be feeling. When her green eyes opened, and landed on me…she smiled.
"Hey, Reshi," she whispered, her voice soft, like a fragile thread.
"I... I'm so sorry, Mary. This is all my fault. I did this.I'm so, so sorry." Tears blurred my vision, spilling down my face.
She shook her head weakly, her smiling unwavering despite the obvious pain.
"Shhhh. Don't say that type of stuff. You saved me once Reshi. Gave me two weeks more happiness than I thought I'd ever get in my life. So, thank you for that. You've nothing to apologise for."
My throat tightened. "You shouldn't have had two weeks. It should've been longer. It should've been forever."
Mary laughed softly, yet it quickly descended into a fit of coughs, flecks of blood staining her lips. "Are you asking me to move in with you?" She teased. "You need to take it slowly, you know Reshi, you'll scare a girl off."
I managed a weak chuckle through the tears. "Why not? Let me go get Judas, and the three of us move in, properly this time."
Her eyes glittered with tears. "That sounds nice," she whispered.
"But you've got to stay alive" I demanded. "You have to, that's my only condition."
She smiled again. "Okay."
I held her hand tightly, I didn't think she could see anymore.
Minutes later, her breath slowed, until…it stopped entirely. Her hand went limp in my grip, and for the final time, her vibrant green eyes fluttered close.
I knelt beside Mary's corpse, my mind a wash of grief and guilt. And for a moment, I let the insidious thoughts pull me back into the cold apathy I had been lost to.
But then I pushed it down with a growl. 'There's still Judas' I repeated to myself like a mantra.
I made my way to the next room, movements quieter than the breath of death. Then, I kicked the door open, the sound like thunder in the silence.
The room was filled with twelve men. All of them turned at the sound of the crash. Four of them were dead before they even realized what had happened, their bodies crumpling to the floor as Reshi's bullets found their marks.
I ducked behind a pillar in the wall, as the remaining gunmen opened fire. The air was thick with the smell of gunfire and the acrid smell of smoke.
Peeking over the edge, I returned fire, hitting one of the shooters twice. Once in the chest, once in the shoulder. Before I could duck back into cover, a bullet pierced into my own shoulder.
Pain flared, hot and sharp, but I forced myself to keep composure, rolling out of cover and squeezing the trigger. Watching with a cruel satisfaction as the second target's hand exploded in a remarkable display of pistol art on the wall behind.
I squeezed again, but this time my gun clicked. Jammed.
"Fuck."
I threw the weapon at the nearest thug, causing the man to flinch. At the same time, I ran forward, unsheathing a knife.
The guard swung wildly with a metal bat, but I ducked low, then darted into range, driving the blade upwards into his throat. Blood sprayed as the man gurgled, clutching at his neck, before he fell to the floor, spasming.
Yet before I could recover, a knife stabbed into my side. I stumbled forward, the pain a white hot-lance. Then a bat connected to my face, shattering my nose with a sickening crunch and sending me sprawling to the floor.
Through the haze of pain, I scrambled to my feet, my body trembling with weakness as I continued losing blood. I locked eyes on the attacker in front of me, the one who had stabbed me.
And my eyes widened as I recognised the bandaged face. 'Azazael.'
I grinned, and rushed forward with a primal roar. He swung wildly again, and I was too weak to stop the blade as it slashed across my chest.
Yet, I was a zombie, ignoring the pain entirely as I leaped closer, sinking my teeth into his throat and ripping it out.
Hands grabbed me from behind, dragging me to the floor. But not before I saw Azazael's eyes widen as he clutched at the missing chunk of flesh in his throat, before collapsing dead.
There was no way in hell I was dying before that bastard.
A boot slammed into my ribs, and I felt them crack with an explosion of pain.
"Stop" a voice called. Calm, smooth, and utterly commanding.
I felt myself hauled to my knees. Through the blood and sweat clouding my vision, I saw the Boss. He stood tall, composed, one arm holding a pistol, the other wrapped around Judas.
I barely registered the gun. My eyes were on Judas. He was still alive. Thank God.
"Again, we meet, Reshi," the Boss said, his tone almost conversational. "You've caused me quite a bit of trouble, you know. Like a piece of gum on my shoes."
He handed the pistol to Judas. "This man is the reason your mother is dead. If you want my forgiveness, kill him."
Judas trembled, his small hands barely able to hold the gun.
I smiled through the blood and pain, "It's okay, Judas. Don't be afraid."
"You killed my mother," Judas whispered, his voice breaking.
"Yes," I admitted, my voice soft.
A gunshot echoed in the room.
I felt the bullet pierce his chest, and I fell backward, the world tilting as my body hit the floor..
I heard the clatter of a gun, followed by the sound of running footsteps. Judas's face swam into view, his tears falling onto my bloodied face.
I smiled, feeling a profound gentle peace, like warm rays of sunlight. Peace. That's what I had been craving my entire life. It had never been happiness. It had only been...this. If only I could live again. I would make sure to have it.
"Why'd you come?" Judas sobbed.
I reached up, my hand brushing his face. "Judas, don't be sad, this is what it takes to be strong."
He shook his head. "I don't want to be strong, I want to be with mom, and you in the flat."
I smiled. "Do you now know what it takes to be strong Judas?"
He shook his head.
"I'll tell you. Really this time. Being strong is like standing in the dark. Not out of fear, but out of choice. Choosing to train in the dark, even if it's really scary. So that one day, when you're older and stronger, when the monster in the dark comes to get you. You kick the shit out of the monster. Do you understand?"
He nodded slowly, and I could see in his large, overly mature eyes, that he did really understand.
I smiled again. Beyond him I saw the living room again. I could see my family. My mom was humming her gentle tune, my father with his newspaper. My siblings laughed as they ran.
I tried reaching for them, but my hands only brushed Judas's cheek.
"You've got one life Judas. Don't be like me…don't waste it" I coughed.
Then the darkness swallowed me, and with one final sigh, I felt my soul leave the world behind.