Daric woke late the next morning, sprawled across a table still covered in remnants of last night's feast. A child had drawn a crooked crown on his forehead with berry juice. Someone had tucked a goat under his arm like a pillow.
It was, frankly, one of his finer moments.
Stretching and groaning, Daric blinked at the sky—and the system notification still hovering politely at the corner of his vision.
[Future Threats: Unknown.]
[New Opportunity Detected: Ascension Gate Unlocked.]
[Would you like to ascend to a new realm?]
Y/N
Daric scratched his head.
"Kaelen," he mumbled around a mouthful of goat hair, "what's an Ascension Gate?"
Kaelen, who was busy arm-wrestling three ferrets at once, shrugged. "Probably something terrible."
"Perfect," Daric muttered. "Sounds like a normal Tuesday."
—
By noon, a small crowd had gathered outside the village.
Before them stood a shimmering portal, swirling with colors that could only be described as "aggressively magical."
The villagers wept openly.
"He's leaving!" someone cried.
"Take the goat!" another screamed.
The buff goat just snorted.
Daric clapped Kaelen on the back. "Well, partner, ready to jump into certain doom with me again?"
Kaelen smirked. "I'd follow you into a volcano."
"Statistically speaking," Daric said, eyeing the portal, "that's probably what's about to happen."
With a heroic lack of forethought, they stepped through.
—
The world twisted.
Colors bent. Sounds warped.
Daric briefly turned into a carrot, then a particularly angry loaf of bread.
When the world finally settled, they found themselves standing in...
A bustling city.
Of cats.
Literal cats. Walking upright. Wearing tiny suits. Running shops. Driving miniature carriages.
Daric opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
"Nope," he said, turning to leave.
The portal was gone.
[Welcome to Meowtroplis — The City of Infinite Cats.]
[Quest Accepted: Integrate into Cat Society.]
[Failure Condition: Anger the Supreme Cat Council.]
Kaelen burst out laughing.
Daric sighed. "Well, at least they're not birds."
—
Their first challenge came quickly.
An elegant Persian cat wearing a monocle and an immaculately tailored suit approached them.
"Greetings, travelers," he purred. "You stand before Sir Whiskerton, Knight of the Velvet Paw."
Daric bowed stiffly.
"Daric. Professional disaster."
Kaelen just waved.
Sir Whiskerton twitched an ear. "You seek to remain here? Then you must pass the Trial of Integration."
Daric tensed.
"What trial?" he asked warily.
Sir Whiskerton's eyes gleamed.
"The Annual Tuna Ball Dance-Off."
Daric stared.
"Dance...off?"
Kaelen was already stretching.
"I was born for this," Kaelen said.
Daric cursed the universe yet again.
—
That evening, the Tuna Ball Plaza was packed with cats of every size and fur pattern, cheering wildly.
A massive stage dominated the center.
Disco balls spun overhead.
The Mayor—a rotund tabby in a golden sash—took the stage.
"LET THE DANCE COMMENCE!"
Daric and Kaelen were pushed forward.
Sir Whiskerton handed them official entry numbers: 420 and 69.
"Seriously?" Daric grumbled.
"Luckiest numbers alive," Kaelen said, grinning.
The music started.
An aggressive techno beat mixed with the soothing sound of purring.
Daric sighed heavily.
Then he started dancing.
Badly.
Spectacularly.
He flailed. He twirled. He attempted a backflip, landed on his face, and played it off as "breakdancing."
Kaelen, however, was a monster.
He moonwalked. He spun. He did the worm.
Cats shrieked in delight.
Daric improvised wildly, mimicking moves from old tavern fights—dodging imaginary mugs, slipping on pretend banana peels, and performing what could only be called "The Chicken That Forgot How Legs Work."
The crowd ate it up.
Sir Whiskerton clapped daintily.
Finally, the music ended with an epic, bass-heavy purr.
Daric and Kaelen collapsed, gasping for air.
The Mayor approached with a velvet pillow upon which sat...
A tiny, shiny sardine trophy.
"By unanimous decision," the Mayor declared, "you are deemed worthy citizens of Meowtroplis!"
Cheers erupted.
Confetti rained down.
Daric accepted the sardine trophy with dead eyes.
"I hate everything," he muttered.
Kaelen posed dramatically, holding the goat overhead like a champion.
The buff goat bleated triumphantly.
—
Later, at the celebratory feast (featuring suspiciously many fish-based dishes), Daric stared at his system menu.
A new quest flashed.
[Optional Quest: Challenge the Supreme Cat Council.]
[Warning: Consequences will be hilarious.]
Daric sipped his fish-flavored wine thoughtfully.
"Kaelen," he said slowly, "how do you feel about overthrowing a cat monarchy?"
Kaelen's grin widened.
"I thought you'd never ask."