Intoxication settled in as I tried to relate to it all. Blurring away was the reality in front of me, moulding into what most people here were experiencing.
A drunken state of purity, Emotions ran high, various fumes from various substances flowed like the ocean in front of us, alcohol much the same. a stream of intoxication more than welcomed as more and more glass and aluminum were thrown to the ground.
I had said my usual opening statements to Tye when he finally approached his own party, flanked by his three usual companions, already drunk enough to slip into the crowd with ease. Screams and cheers as he did, hugging me and saying his thanks for me showing up.
I replied in just. Already haven broken halfway through the anxious barrier looming over my mouth, proof reading every word I tried to say twice over before, now slowly fading out of reach from my mind.
Alcohol no doubt doing its job effectively with each sip I took from the green bottles I had brought with me, numbing agent for emotion in my case.
Daring fate, high off the fumes and liquid, I thought back to when I first initially danced over the idea of even coming here as I sat there, taking the chaos in, eyes fixated on the bottle I held.
Sure, seeing Tye for the first time in months was a nice enough reason to be here. His charm and know it all personality are a real treat to be around in person, even more so in times like these, showing love to anyone and everyone who accepts it. But there was one other reason lurking in the far reaches of my mind, now made prominent with the lulled state I had made for myself, each sip from the bottle in hand bringing it closer and closer to the forefront of my thoughts
"What if there were girls there?"
My answer was made known almost immediately when I entered initially. The first two I saw. Carrie and her friend.
She had spoken to me multiple times after our first encounter, some subtle remarks here and there.
Awkward as I was until this point, I still somehow managed to keep my composure. Laughing around and replying appropriately, but I never really gave it much thought until now. She seemed to be more focused on her friend, dancing around with her to the music blasting in the background, briefly engaging with conversation before returning back to her.
Sporadic were these moments as I glanced back and forth occasionally to the two, not forgetting the first conversation we had that she instigated. Perhaps that could be something I could work with.
Dutch courage was rising as I wondered, thought and thought again. it didn't look like she had someone she would call a boyfriend here, most of the guys would talk friendly to her, not flirting in any way as far as I knew. But then again, I knew next to nothing about her. Surely I couldn't just assume these things.
My anxiety, although nearly quelled by the alcohol at this time, wouldn't let me hear the end of it come tomorrow if I just pushed my luck even a little, bad enough was that luck already.
Little did I know however, my luck was soon about to change. Not from who I thought I'd try and make a move too initially, preposterous thoughts to begin with. But with her friend. Someone I didn't give much of if any thought to, just a stereotypical girl not knowing her limits, night halfway done yet it seemed like she was already into the next day, flowing in and out of rational thought. But my mind started to think otherwise.
Glancing at her more and more as the party continued, anxiety being replaced by something some would consider worse still, libido.
It's poison flowing through my veins, now more prominent than ever, thought process starting to be devoured by ideas of desire and lust.
But the first move wasn't mine, as she caught my gaze more than a few times during the night. Finally deciding to approach me, lurking over toward me like an angelic zombie.
Wings formed from the white bottles she had consumed, her alcoholic stare piercing into my manifested soul for the night, begging to be undressed by seduction. Yet I was no doubt pale at the fact of finally giving my libido its release it had not seen for years upon today.
Words were never exchanged between her and I prior.
A few "This is" and "That is" as per usual from friends of friends, exchanging glances like scared animals wondering to say friend or foe. Soon enough, I learned her name.
Her name was Rebecca
As she stumbled on words and fumbled on actions, she reached out to me. Blue eyes, dark hair, carless and reckless attitude made well known. Not a singular mark on her beautiful face. I could see the intent almost immediately as she took my hand in just, forcing my body onto her as she whispered in my ear.
"Will you be my boyfriend?"
Slurred yet still understandable, I was initially taken aback, flustered by the notion but still trying to be calm and composed. I had been around intoxicated females previously, so I knew the agenda that came with this scenario. She'd probably asked that question a thousand times over to any male reeking of testosterone, her breath imbued with the scent of vodka and bad decisions made clear.
But yet, I decided to turn off the angel within. The rational decision making part of my brain that would argue back and forth about how I should do this and why I shouldn't do that, I would now render useless. Finding the switch in my brain without much resistance, those thoughts who did fight back were swiftly executed.
The anxiety synapses in my mind simply shut off, like a critical error from a tired computer, leading to a blue screen of jargon text only studied individuals would know how to decipher.
"Sure baby"
As those words exited my mouth, before I could even react, she thrusted her mouth onto mine.
The alcohol and cigarette taste of her moist lips undid me as I stood there.
Locked by flesh with this girl I had just met. Kissing her tender, being somewhat composed yet still shocked as I closed my eyes, hearing her quiet moans as we went in and out of lip lock.
More intimate with each kiss, grabbing our heads and shoving it onto each other as she plunged her tongue deep into my mouth.
As my mind started to go blank, frivolous
thoughts entering my mind.
Wild and dangerous, sex and lust taking over as I started to feel my manhood rise up, desperately needing to be used before she finally released me, smiling as she did.
"T..th...ank you!"
Stumbling away from my grasp, she gave me a wink as she fumbled herself away. Her female friends gasping and laughing as they would, her male friends cheering me on as if I was some kind of stage act at a frat party.
Was that it?
Reason kicked in again as I stood still. Processing the situation yet still fantasizing the possibilities.
The angel in my head, beating my mind senseless once I regained my composure. Anxiety on full blast, ruining all the progress that the consumed alcohol made, coming back with a grudge it would seem. Barely managing to regain my somewhat decent stature, with everybody laughing and gawking at our encounter. Desire still rose after that intimate scenario. She stumbled back off to rejoin Carrie. No doubt to tell her about our situation in full, judging by how drunk she clearly seemed to be.
I decided to just shake it off. Say some witty remarks to my friends and carry on through the night. Music on full blast, vibes a plenty, playing it off as just a drunken misfit play. Laughing, drinking through and through, echoes of that scene still playing on repeat in my head.
Some time passes. A few more drinks were exchanged. noises raging through the night.
"Wanna go somewhere else?"
I sat there, can of beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. Sandy moonlight fully in view, not a single cloud covering it's beauty over the ocean.
She looked at me again, those eyes like twilight tinted shades from the stars aligned, picture-esque with a more than subtle hint of 49% double distilled in her mind. Fixated on my body as she raised her eyebrows, as if to give a sense of reality to this fever dream I was having.
Hesitant I was, given how drop dead gorgeous she looked in my vision.
Some would see as a drunken mess yes but if that was her worst case, her best would've been most certainly something Da Vinci himself would've been proud to portrait
I took a breath of air, knowing not what I'd say as I had thrown reason to the wayside yet again, anxiety screaming at me to say otherwise yet my inhibitions would overcome anything at this point.
"Let's go then"
She immediately grabbed my hand as I forcefully stood up from my seated position on the sand, herself nearly falling over as she did, clearly still far beyond the sobriety of the regular.
Friends of mine still laughing and cheering as she dragged me away from the rabble, chants of "Oooh he's finally gonna get laid" to "Better wear a rubber" in uproar as we walked further and further away from the scene, light and sound fading away forth with
My mind was racing like a dog on cocaine chasing a supercar. Fever hit me, manhood on full blast as we finally reached a suitable length away from the majority.
Safe to say I was less than experienced, I had brought condoms with me but god knows I didn't even think I'd have to use them, just a scenario, a "what if this actually happened?"
Even still, this was happening
I had said fuck it before showing up here, that I'd be down to do whatever, but in that case, in this situation, I had no clue, no thoughts, no reason. As I stood there, eyes darting back and forth, sweat being nulled somewhat from the alcohol I had consumed, she glanced at me.
Those blue eyes like sunlight on a picture-esque day struck me for a millisecond,
all it took for me to fully commit to this now rendered reality I had only dreamt of. I had only one goal in this game, play it cool, sell it like you had all the experience of a veteran pornstar, knowing the ins and outs completely, be the man she must think you are.
Intoxication be damned, my libido was screaming to pursue, defeating my angelic mind with a quick thrust of reality, the here and now was more important.
Here I was with this beautiful woman, glazed in the moonlight, ocean reflecting off of her skin as she said no words, now staring at me, looking at me. I hesitated but for a moment before I drew her closer, our body's warm, our sweat starting to pour through our clothes. She immediately threw her face on mine, I could feel her resolve as we locked lips once again, her moans now more pronounced than before, more intimate, more sexual as we kissed.
She wanted this, I guess I wanted this too
Heart pumping, I decided to throw reason away, if just for a moment as I started to caress her neck, subtle small touches as we kissed, feeling like a warm blanket as she moaned in excitement, her pores felt like the sand we were standing on, rough but calming to touch.
She suddenly grabbed my hand I was using to touch her, I twitched for a second before she leant me in further, lust in her eyes, smearing her scent onto mine as she did.
"Don't cum in me okay?"
Immediately I blushed with both fear and persistent desire upon hearing her say those words as she pushed me back, not knowing the extent of that statement, how much it meant, how much it would mean given our less than subtle drunken states.
Yet there she was, undressing herself under the night sky, slowly taking off her clothes one by one as she showed no shame in this.
Bra and panties falling to the side as I slowly started to see her in all her naked beauty, truly an angel most men would die to see like this, much less have sex with, a goddess in sheep's clothing
Anxiety thrown, clothes undone, shame denied
I immediately grabbed her breasts, small yet supple as I went to fondle them, anxiety but a concept slowly fading away as I heard her moans of pleasure.
Placing her hand on mine to dig deeper, coaxing me to be more rough, abide I would as I pinched her nipples, her face telling me exactly what I needed to know, letting out a subtle scream as I did.
Libido kicked in somewhat more fiercely in my mind, as if saying to me, you couldn't stop now, you were too far in.
Give into me darling
And I will show you your desires manifest
I pinned her down on the sand, hands touching, fingers locked, eyes agaze as we breathed heavily, knowing our next move, acknowledging it with a stare, drunken as we were, yet sober when it came to this situation, each movement as precise as the next, as if we saw each other's intent through and through verbatim.
Feeling her underneath, bush had grown in but a little, hairs covered in sweat and self lubricant, felt like a sin delved in an halo of heaven.
As I did, her pulse went haywire, breathing doubled, level of voice tripled, grabbing my hand once again to double down on her pleasure as she moaned, clearly less softly than before, holding back her screams somewhat as I touched her below.
Anxiety quelling down as her breath became more strained through each movement, calming yet still foreign as I showed less hesitation.
I lay my face down on her crotch, the smell of it all had my libido firing on all cylinders, pheromones and testosterone spilling out, intertwined with various alcoholic substances in our system as the night stayed dark.
I tasted her, licking up and down as her groans graced my virgin ears, not knowing what exactly I'm doing, but nonetheless, I immediately loved the taste, something like the consistency of honey mixed with the scent of pineapple.
"Ugh, fuck, eat my pussy good bitch"
As she grabbed my head, smearing it more and more onto her skin, moaning at every lick I gave to her, I couldn't contain myself anymore. Feeling myself losing control, so much so that my brain was starting to feel more than numb, juices oozing from my underwear.
",...I wanna fuck your pussy"
.
Time for the moment of truth.
"Please don't cum in me right?"
She reiterated as I went to undress myself, condoms in my wallet as I reached to grab it from my pocket before swiftly loosening my jeans, waving it around her face as if to show a sense of security in our impromptu, lust ridden encounter.
She laughed as she grabbed my face to pull me closer, head beside hers, whispering gently, to give the final consent needed for us to truly be one for the moment.
"Then fuck me Robin, make me fucking cum"
No need to tell me twice.
To say I was less than experienced, would be a grievous understatement. Pornos and lewd photos of various women in adultery poses, areas of privacy on full display, begging statues of beautiful, buck naked girls, pin ups and low quality videos, these were all I had seen prior.
Various fetishes of the sheltered rushed through my now soon to be post virgin mind as I put on the now unwrapped condom once sitting in my wallet, cradled on the sand as we moaned in unison, our body's more than ready for what was to come next.
Cowgirl, Doggystyle, sixty nine. Simple terms of the wide array of positions made known through readings of karma sutra texts and pornhub links, easy to see yet harder to master in practice as a novice.
But yet she was laying there, arms widened, legs parted, sand hollowing to the shape of her perfect body, naked, blushing with a fierce sense of confidence yet a subtle sense of embarrassment, and all I could think of, all I could see, was her eyes.
Blue, clear as crystal, now with an outline of red, as to show her state of mind, something of a predator turning prey as she turned those eyes toward mine, blushed, yet safe and secure, narrowed in on mine, heaven's clouds in her intoxicated being, false confidence being made pure from the alcohol she had relentlessly drunken before our somewhat fated encounter.
Locked in on those eyes I thought to myself if for a second or two.
What am I doing?
Innocence betrayed, knowing not the full extent of what I was about to do, her face seemed to scream sex and lust.
Yet there was a demeanor of denial I could faintly see as she opened herself wide for me to ravage and do as I pleased, libido screaming for me to accept its noise. It's shouts reining me in as I slowly slid myself inside her, her moans of pleasure simply sealing the deal as I felt what I had only since dreamed of.
It felt... weird to say the least.
Thoughts of countless pornography raced through my now confused and elated brain as I slowly realised what exactly I had done.
Grabbing our faces once again, leaning me in for a kiss as I started to remember how to use my hips, thrusting backward and forward, like a kick drum keeping a four on the floor beat, something I could Invision in my head, slowly going mad with pleasure as each thrust drew me closer to a blank state of pure instinct.
Sure, I was drunk. Alcohol pierced the vessels in my body, making me somewhat null to the situation, thinking to myself as I kept my motion, her sways and kicks of emotion, her voice gaining more and more volume with every grab of our faces, kissing fiercely in and out of every frame.
But drunken or not, gods be damned this was
pure bliss.
Her insides shaped and moulded to me as we went through it all, pulsing further and further into the night, the moon shining like a lamp, imbuing us in its infinite light, as if we were in a finale of a romantic stage play, applause and standing ovations roaring through the stadium.
Caressing her body as I kept my mind forward, just barely keeping sanity intact as I lunged in and out of her, sweat pouring from our beings onto the dry, yellow tinted sand, now darkened by the night.
"Fuck you feel so good. Deeper Robin, fuck me hard"
Her words interlaced with her moans as I went deeper and deeper, our sounds now deafening as we came closer and closer to the end, swelling with pleasure, exchanging body heat, profusely one with each other, we finally gave into our climax.
"F..Fuck Robin… I… Fuck, oh god"
Pulse hit maximum, mind went absent.
Waves upon waves of pure pleasure hitting us like bullets, spraying our bodies with wounds of unmatched, unknown bliss, each final pulse more intense than the last as my body lay still inside her, shaking from the sheer emotion I had just experienced.
One final kiss from her as she caressed my head, now laying breathless on her breasts.
Panting like a dog in heat, as if to say "Well done" as she looked deep into my eyes once more.
Her iris directly paired with mine for the few fleeting seconds left of our intimacy, breathing heavily, pulse turned to overload.
Suddenly turning her head back to the party where we first met, still raging on, music blaring, shouts and screams of my fellow friends, dancing away as I had completely blanked it out of my mind, anxiety racing back into the crevasses of my still confused mind as she sighed loudly.
"I've gotta get back to my friends"
Immediately standing up from our once bed of love, searching for her clothes as she grabbed them one by one, putting them on as if she'd just woken up, stumbling through each motion as I still lay in the same position, still bewildered by what had just happened.
I had for all intents and purposes, lost my virginity.
But was this it? Really?
I decided to follow suit as I reached for my clothes, herself already dressed as I was only just beginning to do so myself, condom dropping to the sand as I pulled myself together, still trying to regain any sense of reality from this situation
It did happen, it had happened
I scarcely knew this girl, yet I had already achieved the most intimate moments one could have with the opposite sex. I had been inside her, I had tasted her, felt her, seen her in the naked flesh.
In my head thinking it to be only reserved for the most privileged of friends she'd make to soon turn lovers, or so I thought initially, I had skipped all of that.
As she walked away, back to the party at hand, saying not a single other word to me as she did so, I stood still.
Looking at her beauty as she took step after step away from me, wanting to ask more questions than one could answer, especially not in the state we were in, some three bottles down of hard liquor's worth to ourselves, brains both obviously running on empty, smell of our breath would confirm.
I felt… empty.
I had taken that first step to being a man and blindly fallen down the flight of stairs that came with such a transition.
Some would say I was insanely lucky, given my luck with women at that point was less than existent, pure virgin throughout, stuck to my lessons, laptop in hand as I did, diligently studying my lessons, keeping my head down and soaking in what was to be tested on me eventually.
As I said before, I had known girls like these prior, those without a brazen care in the world for their sobriety, but it was somewhat more of a cute affair, hugging, exchanging words of encouragement, the so and so some flirtatious women would keep dulled down until the liquid courage was introduced, turning saints to sinners in a fraction of time.
But this felt way beyond the regular.
I walked my way back to the main attraction, party still at hand, music coming back into full attention, words of friends now in full view as they noticed my arrival, some cheered, others said nothing.
Would they believe I had just slept with an angel?
Or am I being too dramatic?
Silent was I as I crept back into the maw of the night, blood still hot, mind trying to reboot, motherboard now shocked dead, bios now corrupt, new flash drive required, 'seek immediate attention'.
As I grabbed my once vacant can of liquor, still gravitated to the sand, carving it's outline on the grains, cigarette once in hand thrown and lost long ago, I said nothing, silent smirk on my face to hide my true thoughts as I swallowed down the clear liquid, potent smell washing my mind, something less than half of it left, but powerful nonetheless as I shrugged off the remaining comments from spectators.
knowing myself that, perhaps, even a guy like me, anxious and timid, loner by nature, could be shown such pity by an angel, enough so to be inside of her, holier than most for those few minutes of seduction.
Blank was my thought beyond that last sip, jaded from that one final spur of the moment, caught in the sheer amount of adrenaline that was made true. One thought however did manage to slip through the now vivid cracks in my head, rushing into it before the dark stained void finally reached my remembrance of prior encounters.
It was one more memory from the night.
She leaned into me, face now but a blur in my vision, friends remarking as she did, unknown faces saying less so, I knew not their remarks, but they sounded off all the same, judging no doubt my compliance with her, for better or worse. Alcohol, now reeking off of our skin.
Once joined in sinful desires before, now but a footnote in this night's antics as she went to whisper in my ear.
Body near touching mine, lust once again showing its potent and dangerous intent.
"Robin… I loved you inside me"
Kissing my ear, lips once more touching my flesh as her breath reached into me, leaning back shortly afterwards, a devil's smile situated on her face. The extent of my memory faded with that one, singular action.
Pitty? Perhaps.
Truth be told, intoxicated or not, I felt my emotions mix into each other like I had never felt before. Waves of sheer, unadulterated bliss. Finally having tasted the forbidden fruit most men like me would only ever dream of having tasted, Garden of Eden having been witnessed.
I'd keep this thought for the hangover tomorrow, maybe as a keepsafe tool to use for my future pleasures and fantasies if needed.
"She loved it huh?"
As we sang and drank through the rest of the moonlight that swayed us around, blank mind slowly swirling back into motion as I dreamt. Sleeping off the intoxication that once threw my body ablaze, some questions still unanswered, yet still, I was for some intents, at peace.
Throw them all away darling
You'll keep this damsel in your wake
I'll make sure he doesn't touch you
_________