Kai had barely finished wedging the Iron Goose between two wagons in the town's so-called "stable" — really just an open muddy field — when Tessa stomped up, arms crossed tight.
"Alright, City Boy," she said, glaring up at him. "You owe us for terrifying the livestock, attracting unwanted attention, and causing... whatever this is."
She gestured at the Goose, which was busy whirring and beeping, adjusting its holographic parking sensors automatically.
"I didn't even fire the cannon!" Kai protested.
"Yet," Tessa said flatly.
Before Kai could argue, an old man with a purple cloak and a panic mustache came running across the field, flapping a scroll wildly.
"The goats!" he wheezed. "The goats have gone rogue again!"
Kai blinked. "...Goats?"
Tessa sighed deeply, the look of a woman who had lived through too many goat-related disasters.
"Forkroot's entire economy runs on mana goats," she muttered. "And today's delivery to the capital is... well, missing."
The old man shook the scroll at Kai. "You have a WARBARGE! Retrieve the goats!"
"Whoa, whoa," Kai said, hands up. "Not a warbarge. Exploration cruiser. Totally different insurance bracket."
"You want to stay here without getting fined in goats?" Tessa said sweetly. "Help."
Kai glanced back at the Iron Goose.
He had stealth drones, a turret, a holographic map, magical energy cannons...
...and now he was going to chase goats.
Across a fantasy countryside.
In a literal war machine.
"...Y'know what?" he said. "I'm in."
Fifteen minutes later:
Kai sat in the Goose's command chair, adjusting his new Goat Retrieval Tactical Plan on the digital display.
G.A.I.L.'s voice chimed in helpfully.
"Strategy Suggestion: Deploy stealth drones to scout targets. Herd goats using soundwave emitters. Optional: minor turret stun blasts for particularly stubborn goats."
"We're not fragging goats," Kai muttered. "Even if they deserve it."
He punched the launch command.
Three sleek portable drones zipped out of the Goose's rooftop bay, shimmering into stealth mode.
Tessa leaned into the cab window. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"Tessa," Kai said solemnly, "I have no idea what I'm doing."
The Goose lurched into gear, tires kicking up sod and scattering a flock of tiny exploding chickens (again, harmless sparks — mostly).
Kai grinned as he watched the drone feeds.
Down in the fields, a dozen mana goats — each glowing faintly blue — were scattered, chewing on anything remotely edible, including a fence, a broom, and at least one confused merchant's pants.
"Drones locking on targets," G.A.I.L. reported. "Recommending immediate action before they eat the mayor's prize roses."
Kai hit the Herd Mode button.
Across the landscape, bizarre techno-chirping sounds began emitting from the drones — a mix of sheepdog whistles and K-pop beats.
The goats twitched.
The goats turned.
The goats... charged.
"Incoming herd detected," G.A.I.L. said cheerfully.
"Wait wait wait wait WAIT—" Kai yelled, cranking the steering wheel.
The Iron Goose peeled out in reverse just as a glowing stampede of mana goats thundered past, hooves sparking against the dirt.
"I thought they were supposed to herd them gently!" Tessa screamed, holding onto the Goose's door for dear life.
"I'm improvising!" Kai yelled back.
The Goose's rear cameras showed the drones nipping around the goats expertly, nudging them into a semi-coherent mob.
Kai floored it, leading the wild herd back toward the stable field like some kind of insane reverse-cowboy.
The townsfolk scattered in terror as the glowing stampede barreled through the gates.
With a squeal of tires and a resounding BANG, Kai swung the Goose sideways, skidding to a perfect stop.
The goats skidded to a much less graceful stop — colliding into one another in a flurry of sparks, bleats, and stunned confusion.
When the dust settled, every single goat was back inside the corral, dazed but unharmed.
Tessa stared at the chaos.
Kai climbed out of the cab, striking an exaggerated heroic pose.
"Operation Goatnado: success," he declared proudly.
The old man with the mustache wept openly with joy.
The mayor stumbled forward, clutching a single untouched rose. "Our town is saved!"
Kai winked at Tessa. "Told you. Exploration cruiser."
She shook her head, laughing despite herself. "You're either the stupidest person I've ever met... or the luckiest."
"Why not both?" Kai said, grinning.