I stepped into Pewter City Gym like I owned the place. Not in a metaphorical "I'm confident" way. I literally kicked the door open because it was stuck and I didn't feel like using the handle.
The interior was exactly what you'd expect—rocks, more rocks, dramatic lighting, and the faint smell of someone who hadn't used deodorant in three days.
That someone, as it turns out, was Flint.
Yes. Brock's dad. Former gym leader in cannon time, full-time rock enthusiast, part-time deadbeat.
He stood at the far end of the gym looking like a Walmart Gandalf with sideburns. Flint cracked his knuckles and gave me the classic "intense gym leader stare," which might've been more intimidating if he didn't trip on a pebble while walking over.
"You've come to challenge the Pewter Gym?" he asked, brushing off imaginary dirt from his pants.
"Yeah," I replied. "Unless this is actually a rock museum and I walked into the wrong building again."
He gave a tired chuckle, clearly not sure if I was serious.
"I've been watching you," he said.
"Back off Creep." I stepped back.
"No—I mean, your training style. It's reckless, unpredictable... dangerous."
"I like to call it 'strategic chaos.' Works like 60% of the time. Sometimes I explode things. We rolling?"
He sighed, then raised a Pokéball.
"Two on two. You beat me, you get the Boulder Badge."
"Cool. I beat you, I also get to brag for a week and maybe skip leg day forever."
Battle Start
Flint sent out Golem. A chunky boulder with arms and an expression like he just stubbed his toe permanently. Guess that settles it, jo more Pg-13 with a geodude and aweak onix.
I sent out Dreepy. She kinda just floated there, chill as ever.
" What's that Pokemon? " Flint asked curiously.
"it's a Dreepy, a Pokemon from Galar.
Golem looked at him. Dreepy floated sideways like a confused noodle.
"Golem, use Rock Blast!"
A barrage of rocks came flying like a mini avalanche.
"Confuse Ray, then Sucker Punch when he gets dizzy!"
Dreepy spun like a haunted fidget spinner, blasting Golem with Confuse Ray. Golem suddenly stopped mid-attack and punched himself in the face.
"Now!"
Dreepy zoomed in and slapped him with a surprise Sucker Punch.
Golem stumbled, still confused.
"Curse!" I yelled.
"Wait—he's a ghost-type—" Flint started, but too late.
Dreepy cursed himself, dropped his health like a bad life decision, and then marked Golem for a slow, painful death-by-spooky-aura.
Golem staggered again. Tried to use Earthquake. Missed. Punched a wall.
Then he just fainted like his life choices caught up with him.
"Golem is unable to battle!"
Flint looked concerned. "You're... something else."
"Thanks. My mom says the same thing when I forget my pants."
He sighed and tossed out his second Pokémon: Onix.
The giant rock snake roared. Dramatic. Intimidating. Made a kid in the back wet himself a little.
"Alright, Dreepy, take a break. Your funeral curse powers are on point."
I returned him and threw out the big guns.
Gyarados appeared with a monstrous roar and snarled.
The ground shook. A geodude hiding in the wall passed out.
Flint stared. "That's… a shiny Gyarados?"
"She's a sweetheart. Until she's not."
"Onix, Rock Tomb!"
Onix summoned giant boulders to pin Gyarados. Smart move.
"Dragon Dance, then Hydro pump. No mercy."
Gyarados tanked the rocks like they were annoying Legos, glowed red with power, and then lunged at Onix with a water-covered body that screamed death.
One hit.
Onix didn't just faint. He dramatically collapsed like a building demo.
"Onix is unable to battle! Trainer Edward wins!"
Flint just stared at the crater.
I returned Gyarados with a proud nod. "That's my girl. She's got anger issues, but also reliable when you need it."
Flint walked over and handed me the Boulder Badge, still blinking.
"You're the most... chaotic trainer I've seen in a while."
"Flattery gets you nowhere, but I'll take it."
***
Later That Evening
I showed up to the café wearing my least dirty hoodie and the expression of someone who survived being crushed by a giant rock snake.
Officer Jenny was already there.
She looked nice. Actually made an effort. Hair combed. No riot gear. Even wore earrings shaped like Poké Balls. Cute.
Gyarados was there too. Because apparently, I thought it was a great idea to bring my 21-foot angry fish monster to a dinner date. Also , maybe because she decided not go back to her ball and stuck close to me.
We sat down. Jenny across from me. Gyarados just... coiled nearby, taking up two parking spaces and glaring at pigeons.
"This... isn't what I pictured when you asked me out," she said.
"I believe in full transparency. My Gyarados comes with me everywhere. Like an emotional support Kaiju."
"Does she eat people?"
"Only if they mess up my order."
The waiter who arrived paled in fear, took one look at Gyarados, and decided not to question anything. We ordered—Sandy ( Jenny is a title) got pasta, I got a burger, Gyarados got the special "bucket of raw meat" option I bribed the chef to create.
There was an awkward silence while we waited.
"So," Sandy started, "What made you want to be a trainer?"
"Honestly?" I leaned back. "Saw a documentary about Magikarp evolving and thought, 'Damn. If a useless fish can glow up, so can I.'"
She laughed. "That's... actually kind of inspiring."
"Yeah. Now I just terrorize wildlife and flirt with law enforcement. Living the dream."
We chatted more. It was weird. Nice, but weird. Jenny was funny. Kinda nerdy. Into true crime podcasts and coffee.
Gyarados, meanwhile, made a feral snarl every time the waiter walked by.
"Does she... not like servers?"
"She's protective. I once ordered a sandwich and they forgot the pickles. She remembers."
The food came. Gyarados started chowing down like a prehistoric blender. Jenny tried not to flinch every time she growled.
Honestly, I was impressed she stuck around.
Midway through the meal, she looked at me and asked, "So… are you always like this?"
"What, charming?"
"I was going to say unhinged, but sure. Let's go with charming."
I smiled. "Yeah. Kinda comes with the territory. You don't train a shiny Gyarados by being emotionally stable."
She actually laughed again.
I think that's when I realized something.
I might be a walking red flag, but at least I'm fun.
We finished dinner without getting banned from the café (though the owner put up a "No Sea Monsters Allowed" sign afterward). Jenny offered to walk with me a bit, which turned into her giving me another mini lecture about being "less reckless" with Pokémon in public.
I nodded and pretended to take notes.
She smirked. "You're not listening, are you?"
"Nope. But you're cute when you scold me."
"Stop saying that or I'll arrest you."
"Promises, promises. How about we take you and your handcuffs to my hotel room?" I winked.
She rolled her eyes and blushed, but didn't deny it.
Gyarados, full of meat and rage, let out a content huff and flopped behind us like a deadly parade float.
Less than 2 days here, and I'm getting laid.
Not a bad start I guess.
***
After spending wild night with Sandy, I woke up refreshed and happy. When she pulled out her handcuffs and got on top, I pulled the classic Johnny Bravo line," Mama warned me about women like you. I was hoping she's right!"
Anyway, I won't explain what happened last night and conveniently let author kun switch to 3rd person PoV
....
With his confidence at an all-time high and sleep levels at an all-time low, Edward decided it was finally time to stop relying on Gyarados for every battle and give his actual team of six broken, cracked Pokémon the spotlight.
Destination: Mount Moon.
Why Mount Moon?
Because it was between Pewter and Cerulean, and full of wild Pokémon and confused Team Rocket interns. Perfect for training.
***
Inside Mount Moon
"Alright team," Edward said as he stood at the cave entrance, headlamp on, hoodie zipped, and snack bars in pocket. "We're going full dungeon-crawler mode. Gyarados, take five. You nearly vaporized a wild Geodude this morning just for looking at you."
Gyarados huffed, then slid into her ball. She needed a nap anyway. Mass destruction was exhausting.
Edward tossed out his team in a dramatic six-ball release like an edgy anime rival.
Pew pew pew!
A second later, his party was assembled:
Deino: the edgy toddler dragon with anger issues and zero depth perception.
Dreepy: the ghostly sniper who mostly floated silently behind people like a horror movie extra.
Zorua: the fox gremlin who loved turning into Edward mid-sentence just to troll him.
Charmeleon (Shiny): the smug diva lizard who thought she was the main character.
Larvitar: an angry bean with sand powers and a grudge against everything that breathes.
Honedge: an actual sword who floated silently and occasionally hummed like a microwave.
Edward clapped his hands. "Alright, we're gonna train, level up, and maybe bully a few Zubats on the way. Let's go team!"
***
About ten steps in, a hiker waved from afar. "Hey, you a trainer? Let's batt—"
"Zorua, go," Edward said casually.
Zorua trotted forward and instantly used Illusion, transforming into Edward himself, complete with hoodie, smug face, and all.
"Wait, are you using yourself to battle?" the hiker blinked.
Zorua-Edward winked. "You wouldn't hit a guy with good hair, would you?"
The hiker hesitated. Zorua used Speed Boost, ran in circles around the confused opponent, then tackled the poor Geodude off a cliff.
Edward gave real-Zorua a thumbs up. "10/10 acting."
She transformed back and bowed dramatically. Deino clapped in the wrong direction and bit a rock.
Deino was next. Edward wanted him to build confidence and stop headbutting walls.
He found a wild Paras.
"Okay Deino, easy target. Paras has less defense than my dating history."
Deino roared, charged forward… and missed completely. He crashed into a stalagmite and screamed at it like it insulted his lineage.
"Buddy. The bug. To the left."
Deino spun around, finally locked onto the Paras, and used Dragon Rage. It exploded like a microwave burrito.
Deino's Moxie activated. He glowed ominously.
"Oh. He's feeling himself now."
Next up, Dreepy floated silently forward as they encountered a wild Clefairy group doing a weird full-moon dance.
Edward squinted. "Okay, that's mildly cursed."
Dreepy phased into the shadows and used Confuse Ray on all of them. The Clefairies began dancing in random directions, some spinning, others moonwalking into rocks.
One started slapping itself.
Edward nodded slowly. "Good girl. You're terrifying. I'm proud of you."
She giggled. It echoed unnaturally through the cave. Zorua gave her a thumbs-up from behind a boulder, probably plotting her own chaos.
Then came a flock of Golbat. At least five of them, flying in formation like they were in a boy band.
Edward glanced at Charmeleon. "Wanna flex?"
She huffed, activated Drought, and summoned the power of the sun underground because logic is optional in this bizarre world.
Edward covered his eyes. "Okay, chill sis—"
Too late.
Charmeleon used Flamethrower with Solar Power boost.
A mini firestorm erupted. Half the cave turned into a sauna. The Golbats were vaporized mid-scream.
The rest scattered. Charmeleon adjusted her claws like she just did her nails.
Edward gave a slow clap. "You are absolutely getting a Fire Stone for dessert we get to town."
Charmeleon tossed her tail flames and smirked.
Then the group encountered a small rockslide. Edward reached for his bike to turn around. But Larvitar marched forward and just started headbutting the boulders like it owed him money.
Edward blinked. "Are you… okay buddy?"
Larvitar growled, then activated Sand Stream inside the cave.
Now it was windy. Indoors. With sand. Zorua put on goggles. Honedge hovered above it all like, "Couldn't be me."
Larvitar climbed the newly cleared path, looked back proudly, then slipped on a pebble and rolled down like a bowling ball.
Deino caught him by accident. Both growled. Friendship? Maybe.
Last stop: a Team Rocket grunt guarding some fossils.
"Hand your Pokemons over, punk," the grunt growled. "We'll show you what happens to nosy trainers."
Edward yawned. "Honedge, slice him up."
Honedge floated silently, then used Shadow Sneak to appear behind the guy.
The grunt screamed. "AAAAH! Why's it so quiet?!"
Honedge glowed and used Sacred Sword. His pants got cut perfectly in half. The fossils were untouched. The grunt dropped everything and sprinted into the darkness.
Edward looked at the fossils. "Neat."
He picked up a Dome one. "Fuck Lord Helix or whatever."
Edward set up camp by an underground pond while the team cooked Magikarp fillets (he pretended they were tofu).
Zorua turned into Sandy and said suggestively, "Hey Ed~ want some dessert?"
Edward choked.
"NO. BAD FOX. STOP THAT. No Diddy or weird shit! "
Dreepy was floating upside down.
Larvitar was trying to drown a Geodude in sand.
Charmeleon lit the fire by just existing.
Deino chewed on Edward's boot again. Hee just let him have that one.
Honedge floated near the fire, roasting marshmallows by poking them with his literal face.
Edward laid back against his bag and sighed, staring at the dark rocky ceiling.
"Got One badge, almost got stabbed by a bear, flirted with a cop, adopted six emotionally unstable Pokémon… and still haven't found a Moon Stone."
He looked at the team.
"I'm doing amazing."