Staring blankly at the corpse in front of me, I could barely outline its features to know who it belonged to. Reynold said it was Violet's, but I didn't want to believe it. Or at least I felt I shouldn't believe what I was seeing. My parents were equally as shocked as I was.
The body had been brought to the park house for some sort of identification, on my father's wish, of course. I pinched my nose and looked away, hoping this body wouldn't end up haunting me in my dreams.
Because of my doubt, Reynold had added that the body was found a few days after she'd fled the park. On hearing that, my chest had tightened hard, and for a moment I couldn't breathe properly... well, that was a few hours ago.
Considering the speed I drove in, it was a miracle I'd managed to drive down to my parent's without getting involved in an accident.
Now I sat in the drawing room with my parents, an unexplainable atmosphere hanging in the air and robbing all of us of our proper senses. I felt heavy and tired.
Slightly lifting up my eyes, I peered at my mom who was sobbing into a Kleenex. Her eyes were red and puffy as her shoulders trembled while loud sobs escaped her lips. She was, in fact, wailing. Her wails only deepened the guilt that was swiftly eating me up. I looked at my father.
I had expected my mom to cause a scene but definitely not my dad, who was pacing around the room, one hand around his chin and the other on his waist as he heaved out heavy sighs and low grunts.
Ares let out a howl that made me sigh; it reminded me that I was alone and that I'd fucked up big time.
I bowed my head and shut my eyes tight. "I wish," I said through the mind link, "that this could be a dream. A scary nightmare," and Ares sneered at me.
"Wish all you can. Your father was right about you. You deserve the guilt you're feeling and maybe even more. And don't even go on about how no one warned you!" he spat fiercely. I winced at his harsh words and clenched my jaws. That was very blunt even coming from Ares.
"You don't have to rub it in my face," I deadpanned, feeling slightly irritated with him. I didn't expect his sympathy but neither did I need him to remind me of my failure.
"You weren't being reasonable, so why shouldn't I? You should have gone after her when your father said so, but you were too stubborn to see below your nose. Now look where that has landed you," he scoffed and then hissed.
"I hope Emily is able to get you out of this mess since she was the one you were so keen on pleasing," he added.
"I didn't ask her to run away," I fired back weakly, and as soon as I said so, I regretted it. I knew I was still at fault; my statement only showed how selfishly I was reasoning.
Ares let out a low mirthless laugh that floated around my ears; it sounded mocking.
"Get off your high horse. You're entirely to blame for this," he said icily, and was followed by an unnerving silence.
I wasn't sure where I got my faith from, but a tiny part of me was convinced she wasn't dead and that it was a dream... yes, a dream. I would wake up from it shouting and Emily would tell me it's okay... or maybe Violet would tell me it was okay.
No, she wouldn't, somewhere in my subconscious stated.
The house was oddly quiet and empty since she'd gone, and I hadn't minded till today, till now... I could only imagine how I was going to feel once I was home. In the past weeks, I'd distracted myself with the pack demands that seemed to take long hours to sort out, and Emily, whose health I let my mind wander off to... all these to clear my thoughts about her.
Still deep into my thoughts, I felt a pressure against my chest that sent me almost falling off the couch. I looked up to see the angry face of my mother who stared at me wide-eyed, her chest moving up and down heavily while her heavy breaths filled the room. She faced me as though she wanted to hit me again.
"How could you! I didn't raise you to be this way!" she said aloud, her eyes blazing with tears. I'd never seen her this angry. Ever.
Before I could say anything, my father rushed to her side and she broke into a new batch of fresh tears. I rubbed the spot she'd shoved; I wish it hurt but it didn't, at least not like how I hurt inside.
"I'm sorry," I said to no one in particular as I stared at the ground, my hands tugging slightly at my hair while I fought back my tears from surfacing.
Shit! Was all I could think.
"We need help!" my father roared. He sounded defeated and very bitter; there were dark bags under his eyes. On looking closely, I wondered why I was so blind to the turmoil he was going through. His eyes said it all. He looked worn out and his eyes were darker than usual but also solemn.
I watched him as he slumped into a chair, using his hands to block his face. I heard him wince. I turned away quickly; I couldn't bring myself to watch him in this state when I had contributed to his dilemma.
Ares began to howl again and I felt like just disappearing. I'd never had everyone dear to me all angry at the same time, let alone being angry.
"I killed Violet," I told myself, realizing I was now totally at fault. A list of what-ifs filled my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to imagine, and so I stopped asking questions, especially those whose answers were impossible.
"I'm a murderer," I thought, rocking my body slowly back and forth. I let out a groan. It wasn't with a knife or with a gun, neither was it my hands, but I'd murdered her.