The sacred scroll still glowed faintly as Tachibana and Machio awkwardly stood there, hands still pressed together, soul-thread newly activated and emotional tension so thick you could serve it with rice.
Marshall L. Lord wiped a fake tear from his dramatic eyeliner-lined eyes. "Ah, young love. Beautiful. Tragic. Slightly doomed. Just how I like it."
"Uh… so we're actually soul-bound now?" Machio asked, glancing between Tachibana and the scroll like someone who just signed a cursed gym membership.
"Yes," Marshall said, "and it's permanent—unless you go through the Ritual of Eternal Separation, which is frankly just messy and involves legal paperwork, three ravens, and a mariachi band."
Tachibana nodded solemnly. "We are bonded. Our fates, entwined. Our destinies… merged."
"Sounds like a complicated relationship status on Facebook," Nariyuki muttered.
Just then, the walls shook. The chandelier above trembled. And with a ding, a floating holographic screen blinked to life in front of Machio.
WELCOME TO THE SYSTEM OF THE CRIMSON PACT!
User: Machio Araki
Soul-thread Compatibility: 91.3%
Current Status: Mildly Confused
Main Quest Activated:
Title: Panty Heist of Destiny
Objective: Steal panties from locker #23C in Heiron High School
Reward: +1 Charisma, +5 Blood Resonance, +3 Relationship Points with Tachibana
Time Limit: 45 minutes
Consequences of Failure: Eternal Embarrassment
Machio blinked.
Nariyuki peered over his shoulder. "Panties?"
Tachibana's eyes narrowed. "You better not be cheating on me with a sock drawer."
Machio sputtered. "NO! I—I just got this weird system thing and—and it's asking me to commit theft of the fabric variety!"
Marshall leaned in. "Ah yes, the system. It's old. Very… pervy. Comes from the Dark Era of 2009 light novels."
"Why would it ask me to steal panties?!"
Marshall shrugged. "Character development?"
Before anyone could stop it, a teleportation circle opened under Machio's feet with a dramatic woosh and the lingering smell of expired strawberry Pocky.
LOCATION: Heiron High School, Girl's Locker Room
Machio landed face-first into a pile of discarded gym towels. He popped his head up, eyes wild, heart pounding, dignity at -15.
"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!" he whisper-screamed.
The System popped up again.
Timer: 43:29
Hint: Locker 23C is behind the bench next to the volleyball team's changing area. Avoid detection.
Machio looked around. The place was empty… for now.
"This is so illegal," he muttered.
He tiptoed like a cartoon burglar, peeking around corners like he expected Scooby-Doo to pop out at any moment. Finally, he found locker 23C.
With shaking hands, he reached out… twisted the lock…
CLICK.
Inside?
A single, innocent pair of lacy, peach-colored panties, folded like a sacred artifact in a museum of shame.
"I hate this system," Machio whispered, grabbing it.
But the moment he turned—
"WELL, WELL, WELL."
He froze.
Standing in the doorway, in full student council uniform, glasses glowing ominously and exuding the aura of a thousand unsent love letters—
Matsumi Mihara.
His ex.
The girl who once broke up with him because "you blink weird."
"Oh no," Machio whispered. "Oh god no."
"Oh YES," she purred, stepping into the locker room like a villainess in a soap opera. "Caught red-handed. Or should I say—peach-pantied?"
"I swear this isn't what it looks like!"
"Oh? So you didn't sneak into the girls' locker room, steal undergarments, and mumble something about a quest log?"
"NO! I mean—YES—but not like that!! It's the system! I got bonded to a vampire girl and—"
Matsumi leaned in, nostrils flaring like she just smelled gossip.
"You're soul-bound to another girl already? Pathetic. Disloyal. Kinda hot."
Machio was confused. Very confused. And also still holding the panties.
"I—uh—can I just go?"
Matsumi's eyes gleamed. "Oh no. No no no. You think you can waltz back into my life, steal another girl's panties, and walk away?"
"…Yes?"
She reached into her blazer, pulled out her own underwear—silken, dark purple, the kind that says "I collect knives recreationally"—and without warning—
SHOVED IT IN HIS MOUTH.
"WHUMGH?!"
"Chew on THAT, you traitorous towel-sniffing raccoon!"
Somewhere in the distance, an opera singer hit a high note. Dramatic lighting struck.
Machio fell to his knees, soul and dental hygiene shattered.
Matsumi smiled cruelly. "I run this academy. And I run you."
The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Machio alone with only his thoughts, the taste of lavender detergent, and his rapidly decaying will to live.
BACK AT THE VAMPIRE CASTLE
Tachibana sat sipping blood-orange tea, her eyes distant.
"He's been gone for too long."
Nariyuki nodded. "He's probably fine."
Just then, a POOF and Machio reappeared in a cloud of glittery shame.
Panties in hand.
Purple underwear dangling from his mouth like a cursed pacifier.
"DUDE," Nariyuki said. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"
Machio spat it out. "MY EX IS A MENACE."
Tachibana's eyes narrowed. "What is that?"
"I failed the quest."
"But you have panties?"
"Not the right ones."
A DING:
Quest Failed. Reward: Emotional Damage +7
Nariyuki whistled. "Honestly, I've never respected you more."
Marshall L. Lord burst in, applauding slowly.
"Ah, the Taste of Humiliation. Beautiful. Exquisite. You've now unlocked the Path of Suffering Protagonist! Level 1."
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?"
"It means more quests. More chaos. And yes… more underwear theft."
Machio fell to his knees. "Someone just kill me now."
Tachibana put a hand on his shoulder. "No. We suffer together."
"…Romantic," he muttered.
And thus, the saga of curses, vampires, ex-girlfriends, and panty-related despair continued.
Tune in next time, for Episode 5 :The Interdimensional Cat Café of Secrets, where Nariyuki gets possessed by a ghost that only speaks in K-pop lyrics.
To be continued .