Malthus had reduced in size.
He was no longer twice my size. Now we were the same height. Of course, I'm not counting his horns. Those were still standing proudly like two middle fingers aimed at the universe.
Since he had gotten shorter, I naturally assumed his strength must've been compromised.
But the only thing that got compromised was—
The qualifications of the man who designed the Gangbang continent's tectonic plates.
What happened is, Malthus slammed his right leg on the ground and the impact split the land.
A crack tore out from under his foot and snaked toward me and my heroes.
All of us jumped sideways like synchronized squirrels.
The crack stopped there.
Malthus just teased us with his power. If he would have used some more strength, this planet would be facing hemorrhoids.
After raping the ground, Malthus stood there smirking, while I could only gape at the new fissure.
It was long.
It was deep.
It was majestic.
It looked just like my butt crack after leg day. Except this one didn't scream in agony when touched.
Sexis, standing beside me, leaned in, peering into the fissure with a serious face.
"I believe… this is the Grand Canyon's evil cousin."
Then, he licked his lips.
Shit—
"Back off," I said. "Don't get aroused by terrain."
"Wha- I was not. I'm just surprised it didn't echo my words back when I spoke just now."
"That's not important right now. Focus on Malthus. I think he got stronger."
"Exactly, human King. And this crack is nothing, I can even make this planet fall down if I wish."
"Make it fall?" I frowned. "Where? It's floating in space. Ever heard of gravity? It's something related to that. You can't make this planet fall."
I don't even know the correct scientific reason but the planet won't fall. I mean, Earth's doing good for all these years right. It hadn't fallen. All because Newton invented gravity. I don't know what would have happened if Newton hadn't invented it.
Though, I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity…
Or even in regular gravity.
Anyway, the chemistry class is over. Malthus seemed pissed.
"I may not make this planet fall," Malthus growled, "but I can certainly rule over it! I can certainly kill you! I can certainly instill monarchy here! I can certainly become the new King!"
"Also," I added, "you can certainly say the same thing four times in different ways."
Malthus sighed.
A long, tortured sigh.
The kind of sigh a man makes when he realizes the vending machine ate his last dollar.
"Why are you like this?"
"Like what? Handsome?"
"Are you not afraid?"
"I am."
"Then why do you joke every time you open your DAMN MOUTH?"
"Oh? You're noticing my talents?" I smiled warmly. "Thank you for the compliment."
"I WASN'T COMPLIMENTING YOU!!!"
"Still counts."
"..."
Malthus held his head.
"Why did I even come here?" He muttered. "I would have found greater planets with a bigger core than this one. I would have saved myself from this headache. I would have saved myself from this shit of a King."
He looked like a sigma male who read too much alpha male Twitter advice and just realized he's actually beta.
Though he said something about the core of the planet. Come to think of it, when he landed here, he was staring at the ground for a long time. His head was down. Was he looking at the core? Or was he dumped by Medusa just before coming here?
No idea.
Anyway, Malthus went silent for a bit.
Meanwhile Erect, standing on my right side, finally spoke:
"My lord... should I attack now?"
I raised a brow. "With what? Your disapproval?"
"No. He is annoyed right now. This might be our chance. If we attack him together."
"You might be right. We need something big, though. Something that can split the ground too."
I looked around.
"Can anyone here do that?"
There was silence…
Until Yamete raised his hand.
"I can do something," Yamete said.
I turned to him. "What can you do?".
Yamete rubbed his eyes.
"I can glare at him."
"...And what will that achieve?"
"Strain my eyes."
"Then why the hell do you want to do it?!"
"Well, my sister says my glare is menacing. It makes her wet."
"... Wha- Did you.. what the fuck!?"
"Sorry. My sister might be lying. She says weird things."
"I don't doubt that."
I stopped talking to Yamete.
And I planned to keep it that way for the rest of my life.
"Does anyone else have something?" I asked once more.
One Hero raised his hand.
I looked at him. It was Pedro. "What do you have?"
"I have a fishing rod," he said proudly.
"WHY!? Why would you bring a fishing rod to a WAR?!"
"For emotional support."
"... Sorry I asked. I will do something on my own. You morons just follow my plan."
"As you command, my lord. I will give my life for you. I will even dedicate this rod to you!"
"Don't dedicate me a fishing rod. Put that away and hold a sword."
I shook my head.
What was I expecting?
From beside me, Sexis chuckled.
"Your team has a good sense of humor, my human Racis friend. I envy that. Aliens are so serious."
"That's not humor. That's their standard IQ level."
"Oh. Hang in there then."
"I will. I'll hang the moment I see a ceiling fan."
"Ho. Ho. Your comedy timing is unmatched."
"SHUT UP!"
Malthus finally exploded again.
"I'm STILL here! I'm RIGHT HERE! Why do you ignore me and keep babbling about all the shit in the world?! You think this is FUNNY!?"
Everyone looked at him.
"Yes."
Malthus clenched his fists.
"Fine. I will rip apart the comedy from you all."
"How? By reporting? You wanna cancel me, snowflake? People like you made it impossible for me to post videos online. People like you already made YouTube unfun. Now you want to mess here too? Have some shame. Just because you can't have kids doesn't you can fuck anyone you see, you red, stinking, bitch!!"
"..."
Silence.
Malthus blinked.
Everyone else blinked.
Even the common people might have blinked.
I stood there, chest heaving, having just unleashed every ounce of my misplaced Earth rage at the wrong time and the wrong target.
"I don't care anymore." Malthus held his sword.
"I will make this serious on my own."
SWIIISH!
He vanished.
Faster than before.
Faster than lightning on cocaine.
I braced myself—but...
"Behind you."
He was already behind me.
I turned around.
But all I saw was his back.
Erect and Sexis stood frozen beside me.
Malthus faced the forty-seven trembling heroes.
"See this, human King."
He lifted his sword sideways.
"Extend."
The blade grew. His sword was overcompensating for something.
My stomach dropped.
Before I could even blink—
SHLICK!
Malthus swung his sword.
THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
Multiple thuds echoed in the air like bowling pins falling over.
The next second, I froze.
Malthus…
That devil...
He beheaded all forty-seven heroes at once.
He killed them.