Lin Yu stood on the high school auditorium stage under spotlights hotter than a BBQ grill. Her cheap mascara melted into raccoon eyes, sweat turning the plastic mic cover into a mini swimming pool. "I…I've trained for two and a half days as a solo trainee…" She glimpsed Wu Li's blood-red smirk in the front row. "My dad's company is bankrupt! BUT I'LL STILL SING!"
The crowd froze. Then—
"YUUU! I SPENT MY NOODLE MONEY ON YOU!"
Lin Feng burst in looking like he'd wrestled a spider colony, live-streaming with "Good Fortune" played on a suona (think demonic kazoo). "Squad! Gifts = debut rank! Double-tap for Porsche emojis and I'll chest-smash a boulder live!"
Wu Li cackled, nearly stabbing her nose with bedazzled nails: "Y'all filming 2 Broke Girls: Jiangcheng Edition?" She slammed down a contract glittering with "Indentured Servitude" in gold foil. "Sweetie, idol rule #1: You can suck, but you can't be broke!"
Lin Feng skidded onstage, sneakers screeching like tortured ghosts. He squinted at the contract—"HOW MANY ZEROS?! This could buy Wuling's entire minivan fleet?!"
"Gege!" Lin Yu grabbed the mic, eyes blazing with anime protagonist energy. "ORIGINAL SONG TIME!"
The track began. Lin Feng swore it was "Grooviest Ethnic Wind" meets "Anxiety: The Musical."
"Egg yolk dresses~ Fluffy-haired messes~" Lin Yu screeched like a banshee with laryngitis. "Dad's lab went BOOM~ like popcorn kernels~"
Wu Li's boba tea shot out her nose, tapioca pearls dangling from lashes like cursed earrings. Lin Feng's livestream exploded: [Is this a eulogy for the judges?] [EARGASM WARNING] [MOVE CAMERA I NEED TO SEE JUDGE'S EYE ROLLS!!!]
CRACK!
The stage backdrop split, revealing a massive Grey Sparrow logo. The green-eyed bird's eye suddenly WINKED at Lin Feng. "Since when do talent shows have cursed AR?!" He blinked—it was normal again.
A judge in a fisherman's hat stood, his antique pocket watch chain glinting like a snake. "Miss Lin… your creativity is… unique." When he lifted his hat brim—
Holy sht.*
It was Warehouse Photo "Einstein."
"Gege! I MADE IT!" Lin Yu bounced over as Wu Li hissed: "Congrats. Your sister's soul… now ours."
Midnight. The lab looked like a Tim Burton set. Moonlight through broken vents sliced the shelves into zebra stripes. Lin Feng tiptoed in, startling Lord Orange off a cabinet. The cat's tail whipped down a "Golden Ear Files" folder.
"July 15: Rat #007 grew third ear, recited Yueyang Tower Essay… in Tianjin rap rhythm." Lin Feng snorted imagining his dad teaching rodents poetry.
CLINK.
Through cabinet cracks, he saw Wu Li and "Einstein" whispering. The man's watch chain coiled around a glowing blue vial. "Grey Sparrow needs new test subjects. That girl's voice triggers brainwave resonance…"
"Five million extra," Wu Li lit a mint cigarette, her collarbone tattoo shimmering. "PS: Your toupee's sliding."
Lin Feng muffled a gasp. Lord Orange stared at him like: "Dumbass humans."
Next morning, Lin Feng blocked Wu Li's Maserati with a 10-meter banner scrawled in YSL lipstick: "NO SEXY DEALS! FREE MY SIS!" It looked like a crime scene.
Secretary Zhou pedaled up on a shared bike: "Plan A: Buy hate hashtags. Plan B: Eat keyboard on livestream…"
"Plan C!" Lin Feng hijacked a granny's Bluetooth speaker. "Neighbors! Witness history!" He blasted "Drunk Butterfly" remixed with "Wild Wolf Disco"—a sound so cursed it vaporized three sparrows.
The balding principal choked: "Lin Feng! Where's the dropout who scaled walls?!"
"Principal! New era!" He stuffed spicy strips into the man's pocket. "I'm a PARENT AMBASSADOR now!"Grabbing a megaphone: "Vote for Lin Yu = FREE NOODLES! Retweet = LIMITED-EDITION PLUNGER!"
The crowd filmed madly. Livestream hits hit 100k+. Comments: [DEAD 💀][SEND LOCATION I NEED TOYS]
Lin Yu trembled on the rooftop with Wu Li's "Become Ju Jingyi!" energy drink.
"Drink," Wu Li tapped the bottle with her diamond ring. "Or should Grey Sparrow test your brother next?"
CRASH!
Lin Feng burst in with a fire extinguisher, helmet backward: "RELEASE MY SIS OR GET STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED JUSTICE!"
The bottle shattered. Pink smoke erupted. Wu Li began ballet-spinning while stripping: "I'm a pure swan~ Qing dynasty's lost pearl~"
"Ge…this drink's spiked…" Lin Yu giggled. "Why does Wu Li have cat ears now?"
"RUN!" Lin Feng fireman-carried her out. "We'll detox before you turn into a knockoff idol!"
Boxes stamped with Grey Sparrow logos tumbled. Lord Orange popped out chewing a rat tail, judging everyone.